


I Love You! (No Seriously)

by superhusbandfeels



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Aunt Peggy Carter, Brian Banner's A+ Parenting, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen for awhile, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Humor, I just wanted to say that this is a tony harem, Implied Sexual Content, Kid Bruce Banner, Kid Clint Barton, Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), Kid Natasha Romanov, Kid Steve Rogers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Possessive Avengers, Post-Avengers (2012), Protective Clark Kent, Protective Pepper Potts, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Uncle Dum Dum Dugan, Uncle Tony Stark, also I wrote this around the same time Man of Steel came out, and had a huge crush on Henry Cavill's Clark Kent so I put him in the story as Tony's ex, because slash when they're kids is illegal guys, but like stevetony is endgame in here, if i think of anymore tags i'll put them in, like maybe?? let me know if you laugh, this is literally set in the 2012 avengers headcanon, those were good times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22276369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superhusbandfeels/pseuds/superhusbandfeels
Summary: Tony didn't mind when people fought over him. It was flattering, really. What particularly irked him about this situation, however, was that it was his TEAMMATES currently fighting over him. You know, the same ones that barely wanted to be in the same room as him— and that was on their good days."He sung me to sleep when I had a nightmare!""He changed me when I spilt my beverage all over me!""He told me he loved me!""HE SAID THAT TO ALL OF US!"Tony was screwed.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Clint Barton/Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers - Relationship, Peggy Carter & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Timothy "Dum Dum" Dugan & Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Everyone, Tony Stark/Thor, past Clark Kent/Tony Stark, past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark - Relationship
Comments: 255
Kudos: 804





	1. Baby Duty, Oh Fucking Great

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to say that if you've happened to stumble upon this fic and think "Wow, you know I think I've read a similar story like this on fanfiction.net" you're probably right! 
> 
> This story was originally published on my fanfiction.net account under the same name, but oh my fucking god is that one a shit show. To be fair I wrote that when I was in 7th grade okay, and just recently did I get the urge to rewrite it and publish it on here instead. You guys are more than free to read it on there, but fair warning its cringy (especially the early chapters) and I left it on a cliffhanger that I may or may not finish on here?? oops? 
> 
> Honestly this story, although it holds a special place in my heart, needs major revisions like wow I'm screeching at some of the things I wrote. I'll probably even read this again in 7 years and think the same thing (as you can tell I'm kinda critical of my writing). I'm gonna try to keep the story the same as the original as much as possible, but idk man there's scenes where i'm like "what the hell was I on um" 
> 
> Also this is also NOT compliant with MCU movies after like the Avengers 2012 movie. I wrote this story in 2013 okay. I'm still leaving the pop-tart jokes and you can't stop me 
> 
> Enjoy!

"You know Stark, it'd be great if you could get your ass over here now and help us, you're really missing out on all the fun." Rogers yelled through the group comm. He bit back a smile at the snort that came from the other line.

"Was sarcasm even a thing in the forties, spangles, or are you just taking cues from my book now? It's called being fashionably late. I'll be there in a few— and bite a bar of soap when we're back at the tower." Tony quipped back as the suit flew through the air, whistling once he got a glimpse at the havoc below him.

Long story short (he didn't really pay all that attention during the debriefing) Thor contacted Shield to let them know that Loki escaped his cell on Asgard and buddied up with another set of galactic bad guys who decided to turn Times Square into the Battle of New York 2.0.

Tony was getting too old for this shit.

At least these guys weren't anything like the Chitauri, with no mother ship or portals in sight (thank _god_ ). Honestly, these lizard-like extraterrestrial beings didn't even look like that much of a threat. He was just waiting for them to advertise that 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.

Captain America was hunched over a wrecked car, shouting orders at the others on the ground as he swung his shield across the battlefield. It sliced through a line of aliens and a spray of purple liquid guts splattered over rubble in the ordeal (it was _gross,_ but Tony was secretly hoping he does it again). Tony spotted Hawkeye perched above a restaurant balcony caught in the crossfire, the business and others surrounding it already evacuated of civilians. He shot arrows at the aliens crawling over to him, missing not a single soul. A flash of red hair sprinted across the street as Black Widow stared blank-faced at the aliens, bullets flying straight through their heads (well, what Tony _thinks_ are their heads). The city skyline, while previously a bright blue, was now darkened grey with storm clouds as Thor commanded thunder with Mjolnir and struck down lightening at their opponents. Hulk's roar was indistinguishable, big green on the scene already smashing skulls. And unsurprisingly, reindeer games could be seen at the center of the spectacle, surveying the havoc with a delightful grin as he clutched tightly to his scepter that he magically got back. Wow, who's hiring the guards up there in Asgard?

Tony decided to lighten the mood. "Don't let those guys anywhere near Broadway, I got tickets for Rent next weekend."

He heard Barton let out a chuckle at that through the comm, followed by Romanoff berating him for it.

"Agent Romanoff, long time no talk!"

As expected, he received no response. He could almost picture the redhead's eye roll.

"Guys, we need to concentrate." Rogers scolded, catching his shield almost effortlessly. He grimaced at the residue of guts it came back with.

"Captain's right. Reunion later. Our priority right now is another alien army at our hands." Fury's voice broke through the comms, and Tony huffed.

In the words of Rent's Maureen, how 'anal retentive'.

After what seemed like decades (okay that was a stretch, give or take like 3 hours) the battle finally stopped. The alien army ceased any survivors, and the site, while a work in progress, thankfully didn't reach the state of wreckage like the Battle of New York had. Tony suspected that he could throw in a couple thousand bucks for repairs and it'd be fine and dandy.

Widow's voice filled the comms calling everyone back to the tower. There greeting them was the Norse god himself, his hands and feet bound with rope. Tony walked over to him, still decked in his armor.

"Hey reindeer games, Santa came and told us you escaped from your stable." Loki looked up at that, narrowing his eyes at the armor's eye slits.

Thor stood beside Tony, sighing heavily. "Brother, your nonsense must stop this instant." He grasped tightly at the handle of Mjolnir, readying himself for any last tricks.

"Stop with such lies! I am not your brother, nor will I ever be." Loki spat out, struggling to get free himself from the binds. Thor froze at that, the words stinging more than he realized. He quickly masked the emotion before anyone saw a change in demeanor. Everybody was too preoccupied at the other god to even notice. Tony, however, saw and frowned behind the mask.

"Stand down, Loki. You're done." Rogers commanded, stepping in front of the said man and staring down at him with a calculated look. Loki only smirked.

"Captain, you fail to recognize that I always have another trick up my sleeve."

And with that, Loki's scepter behind him began to glow brightly as the man started to chant a spell under his breath. The team startled at the abrupt change in scene, but quickly got into battle stance and prepared for the worst. There was an intense silence, and then suddenly everyone flew back from a bright explosion while gas began to surround the area. 

Tony hit a wall and choked out a gasp as a sudden spark of pain shot through his back. He recalled hearing a loud ringing in his ears, and feeling a stream of liquid trail down his temple, before he promptly blacked out.

* * *

He was sore, and it wasn't even the good kind.

Tony groaned, blinking slowly as he regained consciousness. He struggled to move his limbs, realizing he was still in his suit and therefore immobile. It's cool, he couldn't even feel half his limbs anyways.

"Jarvis? You up?" Tony croaked out, his voice raspy. He really needed a drink.

"For you sir, always."

Tony sighed in relief. "Thanks buddy. Pop quiz time. Where's the others? Did Loki escape?"

The A.I seemed apprehensive to answer."No sir… but—"

"But what? Jarvis, what the hell. Tell me what happened."

"Sir, I believe you should evaluate the scene yourself."

Tony opened his mouth to retort, then stopped abruptly once he heard a cough at the far end of the room.

A cough too delicate for an adult to have. Like, a _kid's_ cough.

Tony slowly rose, struggling to sit up with the suit. He kinda wished he just stayed down, because once he was up what greeted him was the stare of six toddlers. All looked to be no more then four years old. Big, curious (and kinda adorable, lets face it) eyes were all peering down at him in awe. He quickly looked over each kid to see if any of them were hurt. Nope. He then went on to scan the room to take in the destruction of the scene and to see if any of his teammates were around. Also nope.

"...was Loki's big plan popping babies, or—"

Another small cough broke him from finishing his sentence. It came from the kid with blonde hair and blue eyes standing at the center of the group, and was looking at him like he was the seventh wonder of the world. Tony suddenly felt an unease in the pit of his stomach at the sense of familiarity the kid gave him. All the kids looked familiar actually, almost as if they were...

No. No no no no.

Tony popped off his face plate, ignoring the tiny gasps and squeaks that came from it. He almost didn't want to ask.

"…Steve?"

The toddler perked up, nodding his head with a small smile. Deeming the man no threat, he walked over and shyly stood by his feet. He then flashed him a more friendly grin, one that showed off his pearly white teeth.

"Hi mister!"

The others followed suit, surrounding the shocked man and thus proceeded to bombard him with questions stemming from their childlike curiosity.

"What's your name?"

"What're you wearing?"

"What does this do?"

"Where's the bathroom?"

Tony didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. Only one thing came to his mind.

_I'm on baby duty, oh fucking great._


	2. Call Me Uncle Tony

Tony blinked.

Nope. They were still there.

"Okay. Let's see if I got this right."

Tony had his hands on his hips as he surveyed the damaged penthouse that was currently occupying his de-aged teammates and enemy. All were dispersed in different parts of the room, and Tony's gaze locked on the kid closest to him. The boy was curled up on the couch and wrapped snug in a throw blanket. He was heavily engrossed at a movie currently playing on the flat-screen, one of the few things that was salvaged in the explosion. Honestly, Tony was kinda bummed that the bar didn't make it.

"Obviously, Barton." Tony snorted. After getting over his initial shock of the situation, the boy had all but begged him to put on Brave. How predictable that he would choose a movie with his two favorite things: redheads and archery. Whatever, he's not gonna judge.

Tony's gaze trailed off towards the other boy settled at the far end of the couch, a small pink tongue peeking out in concentration as he scribbled drawings on a piece of paper Tony managed to find for him.

"Rogers, definitely." The said boy looked up at the mention of his surname, peering at the man with an inquisitive look. Tony waved him off, motioning him with a fake smile to continue his chicken scratch. The boy only pursed his lips, but nevertheless turned his attention back to his iron man sketch.

With a huff Tony spun on his heel to survey the other side of the room, surprised and even a bit relieved that the kids actually _listened_ to him by staying away from the dubbed 'danger-zones', a.k.a the parts of the room that were still wrecked with broken glass and rubble. JARVIS would alert him if any of the kids disobeyed his order, of course, but knowing that they weren't even questioning his authority brought a sense of happiness in him.

Ew. He's going soft.

Two toddlers ran past his legs and headed towards the danger zone, then detoured to the open space of the hallways. Aw, screw it— a little soft is okay.

"Brother! Wait for me!" The shorter kid pleaded, wiping the strands of his long black hair away from his face while he ran as fast as his little feet could carry him.

The taller one, whose long blonde hair was tucked behind his ears, only snorted at that. "Better yet, try to catch me!" He yelled back, waving a miniaturized Mjolnir in the air. Tony found it interesting that the spell managed to shrink everything. Their clothes, their weapons, _them._ The two boys ran past the couches, and Barton whined when they proceeded to block the tv.

"Move your butts outta the way!"

Tony rolled his eyes, sighing. "Thing 1 and thing 2 are also on roll call."

"So how can you tell who you're talking to?"

Tilting his head to the right, Banner can be seen talking animatedly to JARVIS and shooting off a series of questions, his eyes sparkling in amazement. A man of science, no matter his age. Tony's lip quirked at that.

"And widow must be..." Tony trails off, eyes scanning in search for the red-headed toddler that apparently wasn't in the vicinity of the room. That wasn't good.

_I lost a miniature assassin, oh my god._

Tony started to pace around the room, searching for her. As he went over to the dining area, one of the kitchen cabinets suddenly opened and Tony grunted as a small but powerful fist hit him square in the abdomen, sending the brunette straight to the ground with the wind knocked out of him. He groaned, clutching his stomach in pain. The tiny redhead stood above him, staring at him intently.

_Found her._

Barton gaped, running over to the two. He stopped as soon as he got near Romanoff, staring at her with unmasked glee. Banner and Rogers stopped their previous activities, running worriedly towards the adult. The two brothers also halted at the commotion, and with linked hands went over to the group.

"Mister? Mister! Are you okay?" Rogers asks, panic in his tone.

Tony only groaned. "Ugh… my ass."

"Why'd you do that?" Banner questioned to Romanoff, before going over to check on Tony. He eyed the dried blood on his temple (Tony honestly forgot it was there) and proceeded to cover the wound with a band-aid. A saint, really.

Romanoff narrowed her eyes at the boy in defense. "Why are you on his side? We don't even know who he is."

Guess it's time to disregard that previous statement of him being happy that they didn't question his authority.

"She's right!" Thor piped up, his brother nodding in agreement.

Romanoff bent over, peering down at the older man's face, her eyes giving a warning glint. "Who are you?"

He was unfazed. "Tony Stark, a pleasure."

"Son of Stark. Why are we in your care?" Thor questioned, pointing Mjolnir in his direction.

Tony leaned back. "First of all, little man, let's put the hammer away. You brats are in my home. Looks like I'm your guys super nanny, Coulson is gonna get a kick out of this."

Rogers brightened at that, coming to defend Tony. "Gee mister, that's awful nice of you. Your home's bigger than me and ma's!" Cap, honey, the tower is bigger than your old apartment complex.

Romanoff only scoffed, but relaxed after deeming Tony not a threat.

"So then where are our parents, mister Stark?" Banner quietly asked from behind. Tony turned, about to answer when he recognized a flash of fear in the younger's eyes. Tony started to recall one of their past joint laboratory studies, where Banner mentioned to him once that his father was, in short terms, a _dick_ and was one of the major contributions to his transformation of the Hulk. Tony had proceeded to swap a story of his dick of a dad, too, but Banner took it negatively, thinking Tony was just trying to one-up him.

The two didn't really experiment together after that.

"Uh, yeah— um, your parents and or caretakers are all on a vacation. Let's go with that." _Please just go along with it._

Thankfully the kids didn't interrogate him further, and Barton broke the silence with a crooked grin as he thrusted a hand towards him.

"I'm Clint!" Tony let a smile slip, shaking his tiny hand.

Thor bowed. "Thor, son of Odin." Loki followed his older brother's lead.

"Loki, son of Odin."

Romanoff nodded. "Natasha."

Banner shyly turned his gaze to the floor. "Bruce Banner."

Rogers rubbed the back of his neck. "You said my name already, but I'm Steve." Tony laughed.

"You munchkins can call me uncle Tony." He joked. The toddlers brightened up at that.

"Come finish the movie with us, uncle Tony!" Barton— no, _Clint_ pleaded as he grabbed him by the hand and pulled him towards the couch. Tony guessed that while he wasn't on first name basis with the real team, their baby forms were an exception.

Tony picked up Clint before the boy could finish their quest to the couch, settling him on his hip before turning to the others. "Sorry squirts. Fun times over tonight, you guys need to sleep. We have plans tomorrow." He chuckled at the series of protests from the kids. "Won't work on me. I whine the most."

The others only grumbled, Clint huffing exaggeratedly as he crossed his arms.

Tony called out his A.I. "Jarvis! Hows about making arrangements in setting up a room for them?"

"Already done sir. In surveying the situation while you were unconscious, I took the initiative of contacting SHIELD on the dilemma as well as sending in staff to furnish the guest rooms near your master suite. The staff is still on call and will proceed to clean up the communal area once the kids are out of the vicinity."

"Flying colors, J. So there's—"

JARVIS cut him off. "A kids room and an extended playroom. The staff had finished unloading sets of clothes for each of them, alongside toys and stuffed animals. I also took the liberty in arranging for the tower, minus the lab, to be child-proof."

Natasha froze at that. "T-tower? Like... the places princesses get locked up in?"

Tony was quick to ease her worries. "Nope, not a tower at all. Just a long vertical house, right J?"

"Uncle Tony, who's Jaa-ja..Jarvhis?" Loki asks, struggling to pronounce the AI's name. Thor only patted his head.

Bruce answered. "Jarvis is a super cool voice that helps the house! I was talking to him earlier, he already knows all of us!"

Tony nodded. "Ding ding ding! On the nose, Bruce. He's our helper, of course. Aren't you, J?"

"Indeed. I exist to aid the Stark household."

Clint gasped, tugging on Tony's sleeve. "Woah! That's so cool! Uncle Tony, let me meet him!"

Tony stared at the boy in exasperation. Geez, mini man's demands are not running short. "You can't meet him, he's...uh—"

"— A robot. A friendly robot." JARVIS answered.

Six jaws dropped simultaneously.

"SO COOL!" Clint squealed, to Tony's dismay, directly in the man's ear.

Tony turned towards the other kids, all obviously tired but fighting to stay awake. He didn't even bat an eye at the small head that started to rest on his shoulder. "It's a losing battle, squirts. Time for bed. I'm taking you guys out first thing in the morning."

"Sir, If I may, Director Fury is on the line and is insistent that you speak with—"

"Mute." Tony didn't want to deal with anymore shit tonight.

But boy could he already imagine the look on Fury's face once he witnesses first hand the rag-team team of baby avengers.

"I'm…I'm..not…sleepy…" Natasha mumbled, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Clint, however, was already out like a light, snoring (and drooling, ugh) on his Black Sabbath shirt. Bruce's eyes were starting to droop. Thor and Loki were leaning heavily on each other, ready to fall asleep just like that. Steve just yawned, blinking tiredly and waiting for Tony's directions. Tony didn't waste anymore time and reached down with his free hand to grasp Natasha's tiny one. He led them towards the elevator, prompting JARVIS to take them to his private floor. With little struggle, he managed to wrangle all of them into Pjs and tucked them in once they settled into their beds, promising breakfast the next time they wake. 

"Will it be a big feast, uncle Tony?" Thor asked, and Tony snorted. "Yeah bud, a feast for kings and queens." Thor smiled tiredly at that before he knocked out. 

Tony desperately tried to ignore the bitter reminder that he's done more care-taking in one night than what Howard's done his whole childhood.

With a heavy sigh, he walks over the bedside table to turn off the lamp light, but was stopped when a small hand reached over and overlapped his.

"I'm sorry uncle Tony, but can you keep the light on please?" Steve pleaded, his voice barely a whisper. Tony's gaze softened.

"Scared of the dark?"

Steve nods.

"Sure thing, buddy." Tony says, patting Steve on the head before walking towards the door. He was so tiny, and the cough he heard earlier made Tony fear that the spell might've erased the serum. The brunette made a mental note to have SHIELD verify it once they were at HQ. 

"Goodnight uncle Tony… sweet dreams." Steve mumbles, before drifting off to sleep.

Tony leaned against the doorframe, eyeing the sleeping toddlers with a content look on his face. 

"You too." He answers quietly, before closing the door.

Uncle Tony, huh? Has a nice ring to it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knocked down two chapters holy shit!


	3. Brandy or Rum?

Fury's visible eye twitched.

"So..." Tony started first, "I'm guessing you aren't saying anything because you don't know which swear to use first?"

"Don't play with me Stark." The director finally bit out, his fists clenched. The baby avengers were all cowering behind their uncle, none of them not quite brave enough to approach the 'angry pirate', a name that they dubbed Fury as soon as they all arrived at HQ.

Tony whistled. "I'm impressed, you opted out from cursing. Kids really do change you for the better don't they."

Fury narrowed his eyes. "You think this is a game?!" Tony flinched from the outburst. "Our on-call response team has turned into toddlers, and there's not a damn thing we can do to change them back. As of now, the initiative’s only comprised of _you_. Lord help us all. You have anything else to say, Stark?"

"...you said damn. S' a bad word."

"Oh for Christ's sake—"

Bruce tugged on Tony's pant leg, and instinctively the brunette got down on one knee to indulge his request. "Yeah bud?"

"Uncle Tony," Bruce tried to whisper in his ear, but let's face it anyone within range could hear the boy. "You said a bad word yesterday too. You said the 'A-word' when you fell."

"Damn."

Fury groaned in frustration.

Agent Hill eyed the bizarre scene in contemplation. "Look, I'm gonna ask because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one thinking this. How is that you're the only one that wasn't affected by the spell?"

Tony shrugged. "The suit, maybe? I configured the plating to withstand heavy artillery and generate cosmic-containment fields able to neutralize any otherworldly powered beings and objects it comes in contact with it. I'm fucking sure it was able to block Rock of Age’s voodoo magic or something. Props to me." 

Steve gasped. "Uncle Tony! You said another bad word!"

"... adorable." Agent Coulson muttered under his breath, despite managing to keep his face stoic. Tony would narrow this down to at least one of the top five things he wished he'd suppress from memory. 

"So Loki used his specter to try and free himself, but it backfired and turned all of them— minus you— into kids?" Agent Hill managed to summarize.

"Easier said then experienced.”

Fury broke into the conversation. “For the time being, this situation will be out of reach to the public. Who knows how many villains will use it to their advantage of knowing Earth's mightiest heroes shrunk down into Earth's tiniest twerps." 

Clint made an indignant noise. "Twerps?! Let me at him, uncle Tony!” The boy jumped onto the table, ready to confront Fury. He squawked in protest when said uncle only hoisted him off the table and back to the ground alongside the others. 

Steve suddenly cried and ran to Tony, clutching him tight by the pant leg. “U-Uncle Tony… I don’t wanna go…” He protested, shaking. Tony looked at him in concern until he spotted one of the SHIELD agents eyeing the duo in distress. Poor guy. 

“Steve, you gotta go with the nice man. He’s only gonna take you for a check-up. I promised your ma you’d stay all big and healthy.” Tony tried to reason with him, but Steve wasn’t having it. Tony sighed and looked up to address the agent.

“Listen kid, I’ll take him to the doc. Go off and do whatever you baby agents do. Seriously, what’s Fury interning you guys for?” 

The agent only smiled, nodding his head in appreciation before walking out the debriefing room. 

Tony turned back to Steve, who was still sniffling but no longer in distress. He smiled shakily and grabbed his hand. “T-thanks, uncle Tones.” 

T-Tones? Well, that’s kinda cute. 

“You turning soft, Stark?” Fury pointed out, and Tony only scowled. 

“Steve’s just raised right. You never trust strangers.” 

Coulson raised an eyebrow at that. “Aren’t you a stranger?”

Tony only laughed, taking Steve by the hand and motioning the other kids to follow. He stood by the threshold, giving a mock salute.

“Course not, I’m their uncle!”

* * *

Tony sighed. _Pepper’s gonna kill me._

Good news is that after an impromptu visit to SHIELD’s medical facility, the physician on site verified that Steve was healthy and hadn’t reverted back to his sickly pre-serum state.

Bad news is that that means Steve’s serum— and the capabilities that he was granted with it— are still intact and possessed by a four year old boy. 

It’s kinda safe to say that all the other’s capabilities didn’t go away in the age regression, either.

Steve, embarrassingly enough, all but dragged Tony out the doctor’s office once they were given clearance to leave and the brunette had no choice but to trail after the small blonde, struggling to keep up with his set pace. Yep. Still strong. That bastard. 

Clint still has remarkable aim. Tony found that out when he checked up on the boy and found him playing with the magnetic dart board he set up in the playroom. Never missed a beat with that bull-eye’s. Legolas. 

Small or not, Mjolnir was still being a stingy bitch and wouldn’t let anyone else but Thor pick her up. The nerve. 

Meanwhile, Loki pestered him as soon as Tony managed to get even a second of alone time. The small demigod wanted to show him the magic in his hands by demonstrating small sparks of green that manifested from his finger-tips. Okay, it was pretty cool. 

Natasha’s was a hard one to narrow down. She was still stealthy and calculated in her movements, though he could also likely hypothesize that the Red Room took her in early and these skills were possessed even at four years old. 

Tony didn’t even want to think about Bruce’s abilities. Gotta keep that kid on weed or something.

So yeah, six super enhanced toddlers. Shouldn’t be a problem. 

_Maybe I can tell her that they’re holograms..._

Elsewhere, Pepper Potts’s heels could be heard clicking against the marble flooring as she stepped out of the elevator and into the penthouse, carrying paperwork and blueprints for the resident genius to look over before it gets sent to R&D. It was exactly 2 days since the baby fiasco, and Pepper was still left in the dark.

The strawberry blonde pursed her lips during her attempt to find the man. "Tony? Tony! Where is— huh—” 

Pepper shrieked as a small body collided against her leg, throwing the woman off balance. She quickly reached out to grab the counter top before she fell. 

A tiny gasp was audible. "I-I’m so sorry miss! I didn't mean to." 

Pepper looked down and met eyes with a tiny child, pupils blown wide with guilt and looking even bigger when framed in such thick glasses. 

She blinked. 

Another pair of tiny footsteps were heard. This time a small redhead came from around the corner and ran towards the other child, hugging him from behind.

"I caught you, Brucie!" 

The small redhead then proceeded to look up and finally acknowledge the other presence in the room.

“Who’r you?” 

Pepper stared at them a little while longer, before slowly crouching down to their level and flashing a hesitant grin. “I’m Pepper, it’s nice to meet you.”

The little boy that bumped into her slowly rocked back on his heels, suddenly nervous. “I’m Bruce.”

The redhead only frowned, creating a bit of distance between the two. “Natasha.”

Pepper smiled in sympathy. “Sorry for the sudden appearance. I’m friends with Tony.”

Bruce perked up. “Uncle Tony?”

“Y-Yeah, guess so. Do you happen to know where he is?”

Natasha pursed her lips. “I’ll get him.” She turned on her heels and ran to find the said man, shouting once she got to the hallway. “UNCLE TONY!”

Pepper turned her gaze back to the other occupant in the room. “Uncle?” 

Bruce nodded. “Yup. He’s taking care of us while our parents are on vacation.” The woman could only stare back in disbelief. 

Tony’s voice was heard from the hallway. “Natasha, what do you mean my friend’s here?” 

Coming out of the hallway was Natasha, followed by the resident genius that was currently holding the kid's hand. Pepper crossed her arms once they made eye contact.

Tony let out an awkward laugh. “Hi Pep.”

Pepper pursed her lips. “It was nice meeting you two, Bruce. Natasha. But I have to talk with your uncle Tony now.” 

Tony coughed. “Great idea, Pep. J, take these two to the playroom please.” Tony requested, leading the two off towards the elevator. 

Bruce waved once the two kids were inside the elevator. “Bye Pepper!” He managed to call out before the doors closed. 

Pepper waited a beat before turning to glare at the other adult.

"Missed you too, sugarplum.”

" _Uncle Tony?_ You're an uncle now?" Pepper asked incredulously. 

Tony held his hands up in defense. “Look, I have a really good explanation for this.”

“I’d love to hear it within this calendar year.”

Tony ran a hand down his hair as he breathed heavily through his nose. “Okay, so look— there’s like, six of them okay—”

Pepper gaped. “Six?!”

“— and they’re actually the Avengers and Loki because the trickster god was being a little shit and did this _spell_ but it didn’t work and turned them all into little kids except me because the suit didn’t let me get affected so now I gotta care for like six super enhanced rugrats for god knows how long.” Tony finished in one breath.

The strawberry blonde just stood there for a moment, unresponsive.

“P-Pepper?”

Finally, a sigh. “I need a drink.”

Tony clapped his hands together. “I was thinking the same thing! Pick your poison, brandy or rum?”

* * *

Tony had his arms crossed as he leaned against the doorframe, watching all of his ‘niece and nephews’ play duck duck goose in the newly furnished playroom. He cleared his throat, gaining their attention.

"Alright you tadpoles, uncle Tony brought a very special friend of mine for you to meet." Tony announced, before stepping inside and letting Pepper come into view.

Pepper greeted the kids with a soft smile and a small wave. “Hi everyone.”

Tony stood by her side and clasped her shoulder. "Her name is Pepper, and she’s going to become a familiar face soon. She’ll be visiting from time to time, so I want all of you to be nice AND on your best behavior."

Clint pouted. “Pick one, uncle Tony!” 

Pepper snorted, covering her mouth to stifle a laugh. Bruce sighed dreamily at the reaction.

"Wow, you're really pretty." 

Pepper chuckled, shaking her head before walking over to sit next to him. "You're not so bad yourself, mister." She quipped back, planting a kiss on his cheek.

The others teased the blushing boy and made kissy faces at him. Bruce pouted, protesting loudly.

“Hey! Quit it!”

Tony grinned.

_Maybe raising these kids isn’t gonna be so bad after all._

* * *

Never mind. It was absolute hell.

Natasha hit Clint with her spoon, trying to swat his hands away from her pancakes. "Knock it _off_ , Clint!"

"OW! Uncle Tony, Tasha hit me!"

"Natasha, stop that." Tony scolded without any real threat, too engrossed in an article he was reading.

"Ew! Brother, how gross!" Loki complained, making gagging noises before pushing the blonde away from him.

"What did I do?" Thor asked, his mouth stuffed with food and unable to feel the trail of saliva dripping down his chin. Tony took one glance at the two and sighed, grabbing a napkin to wipe Thor's mouth.

"Ah! Thank you, uncle Tony!" Thor beamed, before stuffing his face with another pop-tart.

Tony turned his gaze to Steve, the boy seemingly too occupied with his drawing book then to eat. 

"Steve, buddy, you haven't touched your pancakes, and your milk is getting warm." Tony reminded him. Steve looked up, startled, before giving him a sheepish smile and an apology. 

"Uncle Tony, can you hand me a bacon please?" Bruce asked, his tiny hand reaching for the plate across the table.

Tony set the plate in front of the boy. "Sure thing, bud."

“Thank you.”

"CLINT! Quit it!" Natasha yelled, waving a knife in his direction.

"Holy shi— TASHA! Put the knife _down_. How in the hell did you even grab one?!" Tony yelled as he ran to Natasha's side to grab the knife out of her hands.

Natasha pouted. "Tell Clint to stop trying to steal my pancakes!" 

The said boy stood up to argue. "You're not even going to eat it anyway!" 

Tony groaned. "Clint, stop trying to steal her pancakes. Tasha, stop trying to stab Clint. Tell you what, I'll make a new stack of pancakes for everyone right now." 

Clint beamed. "Thanks uncle Tony!" The man only waved him off as he walked back to the stove top to make more breakfast.

_CRASH_

"Thor! Look what you did!"

"That wasn't me! It was Bruce!"

"Wha— I didn't even do anything!"

"I bet it was Clint."

"Nu uh!"

"Guys, stop it!"

Tony sighed, getting a painful reminder that it was only morning.

It's going to be a long day.


	4. I Love You, Loki!

Well this is new.

Tony, in his less than normal life, has gotten used to being woken up in a lot of different ways. His bots beeping at each other whenever he crashed down at the lab, one-night stands hoping for a morning quickie, Pep and or Rhodey literally dragging him out of bed (inconsiderate friends, really), and much more recently the Avengers’ distress call.

Today, he happened to wake up to the sound of loud wails followed by a multitude of frantic pleas to make it stop. Honestly, he’d rather take the distress call. 

Or a quickie. A quickie sounded nice. 

He slowly turned his head to side to check the time.

7:15am. God damn it.

The brunette groaned, knowing he'd have to be responsible and check what was going on sooner or later. 

"The absolute joys of raising children..." Tony muttered bitterly as he forced himself out of bed. Yawning tiredly, he walked out of his bedroom, opting to go barefoot. As he padded further down the corridor, he could start to clearly hear the commotion. 

"Loki! Please stop crying, you'll wake up uncle Tony!" That sounded a lot like Steve.

"Yeah Loki! Uncle Tony is gonna be mad." Kinda too late for that, Tasha. 

"Brother! Stop crying, it’s too early for this!" Thor, of course. 

Loki, the culprit, only continued to sob harder. 

Tony stepped into the living space and witnessed firsthand the situation that prompted him to get out of bed.

Steve and Bruce were both at the center of fray frantically trying to console an anguished Loki crying on the floor. Natasha and Thor were standing beside the trio, both chastising the smaller god’s behavior. That left Clint sitting on the couch while he blearily watched the scene in front of him, absolutely clueless to the commotion in front of him.

Tony's gaze traveled towards the broken vase lying in the middle of the floor, broken shards of porcelain sprawled around the rug. His eyes traveled back up to face a guilt-ridden Loki, chubby cheeks stained with dried tears and a small line of snot peeking from under his nose. 

The man rested his hands on his hips. "I’d say good morning, kids, but I don’t think it really is. Mind telling me what happened?"

The air was tense for a few moments, the only sound audible being Loki’s quiet sniffles. Natasha finally broke the silence. 

"We were playing hide and seek, and Loki went to hide behind the shelf. But something went wrong and, well..." She trailed off, gesturing to the crime scene. 

"I-I'm s-sorry uncle T-Tony." Loki managed to sob out. 

Tony sighed and bent down in front of the sobbing child, patting his knee. "It's okay buddy, I'm not mad." 

Loki looked up at him with puffy red eyes. "Y-You're …not?" He asked, rubbing his nose.

"Nope, not at all. As long as none of you got hurt." Tony reassured him, pinching his cheek. "And stop rubbing your nose raw, or else you’re gonna end up at the front of Santa’s sleigh.”

Loki giggled.

“Now butts back into the bedroom, the lot of you. Uncle Tony needs to clean up this mess.”

The others didn’t hesitate to follow directions and headed towards their bedroom. Steve walked over to Loki and offered his hand, and with one final sniff Loki reached out and accepted it. Tony waited until everyone journeyed out of the living area before walking over to the kitchen to grab the dust pan.

JARVIS took that as a cue to greet his maker. "Good morning sir, shall I begin ordering today's breakfast?" 

"Yeah, knock yourself out." Tony replied, entirely focused on cleaning every shard so that none of the kids would step on it. 

He pursed his lips. Was this his life now?

Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Nanny of six.

“Uh, hey J— you mind putting bourbon on that order?” 

* * *

Tony popped his head into the playroom, narrowing his eyes.

Cool, still alive.

After that morning fiasco, the rest of the morning passed by swimmingly as the kids managed to entertain themselves in the playroom while Tony lounged around on the couch, modifying armor designs in his starkpad.

An amazing feat, really. He didn’t even step foot in the lab once. 

He did pop in to check on the band of misfits a few times throughout the day. Kind of like what he was doing now.

“Hi uncle Tony.” Bruce greeted, taking a short pause from constructing his lego set. Natasha looked up at that, a small smile pulled from her lips as she acknowledged his presence. 

The brunette’s gaze drifted towards Loki. Thankfully, the demigod seemed to be in better spirits. The boy was currently sitting on toy chest, giggling at his brother’s attempts of getting a bulls-eye on the dart board. Thor groaned, frustrated. “How does Clint make it look so easy?” 

Steve absolutely beamed once Tony came into view, waving and gesturing the man to come inside. “Uncle Tony!” 

Tony smiled sheepishly at the attention. He moved, about to step across the threshold, but was stopped by a small plastic sword poking his knee. 

“Halt!” Clint commanded. “What’s the magic word?”

Tony snorted, eyeing the boy’s get up. 

“Love the cape, Mr. Barton. Looks like a familiar table cloth I happen to own.”

Clint flushed, swatting Tony in the knee more intensely. “That's not the magic word!” 

“Okay, how about ‘let me in or else you’re being served a bed of crickets for dinner’.” 

The boy gagged, then stepped out of his way. “Come in.” 

Tony proceeded to do so, ruffling Clint’s hair on the way in. He strode across the room and planted himself next to the blonde mini-soldier, taking a glance at his drawing. “That me?” Steve blushed, shrugging. He bent forward a little, trying to block the sketch. Tony only clasped his shoulder and whistled in appreciation. 

“Beautiful drawing, my good sir. I only request a little more height to it.”

“But I don’t draw things that are make believe.”

Tony gasped dramatically, falling over and clutching a hand to his chest. Steve and the others cackled at the adult’s theatrics. 

Thor threw the last dart, not even getting anywhere near the board. He huffed, about to walk over and grab the fallen darts.

Loki jumped off the toy chest. “I’ll get it, brother!” He yelled out, running over to the board. Thor watched him go, smiling fondly. On his journey, however, he stumbled, and in losing his balance fell over and managed to wreck Bruce’s lego set. 

The tense air was back again.

“I--I-” Loki started, but Bruce cut him off.

“LOKI!” Bruce stood up fast, eyes brimming with tears. “How could you?! I was almost done!” 

The smaller god just stared back helplessly, shaking uncontrollably. 

Tony made his way over to the pair in a haste pace. He plucked Loki off from the floor and skimmed over his small form to see if there were any serious injuries. “You okay, bud?”

Loki kept his gaze to the floor.

Tony rubbed his arm comfortingly while he turned to the other distressed kid. “Bruce, I’m sorry about your lego set. Accidents happen, and i’m sure Loki didn’t mean to.”

Bruce just sniffled.

“I-I’m sorry, Bruce.” Loki muttered, a stray tear falling down his cheek. Tony reached out and wiped it with his thumb. 

“Hey, I know what” Tony started to suggest in attempting to ease the situation. “How ‘bout I help you with the lego set?”

Bruce perked up a little at that. “Really?”

“Sure. I’m an engineer, assembling this is going to be like slicing cake.” Tony turned to Natasha and narrowed his eyes. “Which I’m never letting you do.”

Natasha only pouted. 

Bruce finally smiled, nodding slowly. “Kay. Thanks, uncle.”

“No problem, kiddo.” 

Loki looked between the two, dejected. He quietly went over to the dart board to continue his quest. Tony eyed him, concerned, but was pulled away from his thoughts once Bruce called for his attention. 

He’ll be fine.

* * *

“Dinner!”

Silence.

“Cool, the mozzarella sticks are all mine then!” 

The pitter-patter of tiny footsteps were heard running down the corridor.

Tony spent the rest of the day helping Bruce with the lego set, putting off his own work for later. Sometime during the middle of assembling it, Thor came over with Loki (who still wasn't meeting anyone's eyes) and offered to help the two. Bruce was a little apprehensive at first, but finally conceded and the four managed to finish in record time.

At Bruce’s request, Tony set the mini ewok village on one of the playroom’s high shelves.

Tony finally left after he felt that Bruce and Loki were now on good terms again, his assessment sure once he caught Bruce squeeze the small demigod’s hand in appreciation. 

And now it was time for everyone’s favorite: dinner.

“Grub time, my little imps.”

The kids all fluttered towards the dining table, buzzing with energy and in awe at the food in front of them. He also double-checked that there weren't any knives or sharp objects within Natasha's reach. He made it his personal goal to keep Clint alive throughout this whole ordeal.

Tony took a glance at their glasses, frowning once he caught Loki’s. "Hey bud, you're almost out of water, want me to fill that up?" 

The boy furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "Nay, I'll do it uncle! I'm a big boy!" Tony bit back a smile as he watched tiny hands grasp the plastic pitcher.

Pepper made her presence known. "That’s adorable." 

Tony turned his head to look over at the strawberry blonde, the gorgeous gal walking into the dining area with a stack of files and documents.

“You still required to deliver those to me? I never had to do things like that when I was CEO.” Tony teased, gesturing to the paperwork. Pepper only rolled her eyes in exasperation.

“I suppose this is out of my job description, but unfortunately the brains behind the company is incompetent and can’t grab his work himself.” 

Tony chuckled. "Touché. Hungry?" He nodded his head towards the Italian take-out. 

"Depends. Is there strawberries in anything?"

“Just in the tiramisu. I wasn’t suggesting you eat _that_.”

“So that box of strawberries you bought me once was totally fine then?”

“C’mon Pep, that was one time—”

Loki’s sudden wails stopped their banter short. The two whipped their heads to the demigod who was currently dripping wet in his seat. The other kids looked on in alarm, dropping their utensils. 

Tony moved over to the dining area, picking up the empty water pitcher. “What happened now?”

Thor answered for his brother, eyeing him warily. "Loki spilled the water, uncle Tony. B-but it was an accident!" 

Loki hid his face behind his hands, sobbing softly. 

Tony kneeled in front of the sobbing child, mustering up his softest voice possible. “Champ, I need to clean you up. Can I carry you?” 

A small nod.

Pepper made her way over to the counter, snatching a few paper towels. “I’ll clean this up, Tony. You go help with Loki.” Tony nodded in thanks, then walked into the hallway, Loki’s small frame bundled up in his arms.

He gently set down Loki on the toy chest before going over to the wardrobe and rummaging through Loki’s set. 

Tony attempted to lift the boy’s spirits with a joke. "Good news, bud, we’re putting you in pjs now. You can knock out before everyone else does.” He grabbed the new change of clothes and walked back towards him.

Loki just sniffled, tears continuing to stream down his face. Tony’s smile dimmed, but he decided to take another crack at it.

“No need for a shower, either. Always one step ahead of the rest, kiddo.” 

Loki sobbed. "I--I-I'm so s-sorr--y uncle T-T-Tony, I-I—" 

Tony’s face broke as a pang of guilt bubbled inside him.

He attempted to soothe the crying child, hushing him while rubbing his back in small circular motions. “No, no, no— don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s alright, okay? You didn’t mean to.”

“P-please don’t hate me t-too, uncle.” Loki choked out, clutching the man’s dress shirt. 

Tony looked at him in bewilderment. "Wait, what?" 

Loki had never looked so small. 

"I-I keep...keep messing u-up. No one likes me. In-in Asgard, e-everyone likes brother Thor. The other k-kids, the guards, even f-father." Loki sobbed out, shoulders heaving. Tony stared at him helplessly, a lost for words for once. "I-I always want to b-be around f-father, but he-he always wants T-Thor. N-n-never me… I-I—”

Loki took a deep breath to calm himself.

“I j-just want to be loved. U-uncle, w-why doesn’t my father love me?"

Tony drew in a shaky breath.

_“Daddy!”_

_An energetic four year old toddler scampered into the lab, practically buzzing with excitement. Big, brown eyes roamed around in awe as he stopped to stare at his father’s projects. They were huge and bulky, practically towering over his small stature._

_So cool!_

_“Anthony!”_

_Tony turned, beaming at the sight of his father. He hasn’t seen him in so long! “Hi daddy! I missed you!”_

_It seemed the sentiment wasn’t returned._

_Howard slammed his palm onto the table, making the younger boy flinch. “Anthony Edward Stark, who in the hell let you in here?”_

_Tony stayed silent._

_His father sighed, running a hand through his hair in a frustrated manner. “Get out, Anthony. You have no business here and I have work to do.”_

_“I-I— “_

_“What. Anthony.” Howard bit out, patience running thin._

_Tony shut his mouth abruptly, mumbling an apology before he hurried out of the room, fighting his hardest to keep his tears at bay._

_He was kicked out. Again._

_Why doesn’t his father love him?_

Tony pulled the younger boy into a tight embrace, burying his nose into the other’s black locks. 

“U-uncle Tony?”

Look, Tony was no stranger to Thor and Loki’s estranged history. The trickster god, adopted. Not a true blood heir to the throne. Not even Asgardian. Heard he found that out in the shittiest way possible. Adding that alongside having been raised to always fall in the shadow of his older brother— well, that would fuck anyone up. Look, he isn’t going to justify the demigod’s actions. He’s a real douche, through and through. Well, at least adult Loki was. 

This one, however, was just a child begging to be acknowledged. 

Tony knew the pain all too well.

"Loki," Tony finally said, pulling back so he can properly look at the boy. "I don’t hate you, bud. None of us do. Let’s get that through your tiny skull first." 

Loki rubbed his eyes, frowning. "Y-You don't ? B-But, I broke the vase…and Bruce’s toy…a-and then the water spilled...and now you’re dirty." He pointed out, gesturing to the man’s damp sweatshirt.

“Not dirty.” Tony retorted. “In actuality, water functions to make people squeaky clean. I’m the exact opposite of dirty. Cold, however, is another story.” 

Loki’s mouth quirked upwards a little at that. 

Tony took the opportunity to grab Loki’s hand in a tight grasp, squeezing comfortingly. "You know what else is the exact opposite? All that hate mumbo jumbo you were saying earlier. The others and I feel the exact opposite of hate when it comes to you. I know I can’t speak for your father, but I happen to un-hate you, Lok-Lok. I'm sure the others do too. Mistakes happen, okay? It won't make us think any less of you.” 

Loki giggled at his nickname, his smile a little more prominent after Tony’s little speech. He jumped down from the toy chest to wrap his small arms around Tony and engulfed in a tight embrace.

"I love you, uncle." Loki muffled into Tony's shoulder. Tony only held him tighter.

"I….I love you too."

* * *

Loki ran towards the kitchen with enthusiasm, his hand wrapped tightly around Tony's. "Walk faster, uncle!" Loki practically demanded, pulling him along with all his might. Tony shook his hand, chuckling.

"I’m gonna be missing an arm before we get back to the others, bud." 

Pepper smiled as the pair appeared. 

"Everything okay?"

Tony shrugged, leaning his forearms against the counter. "Sure. Changed him into pjs, listened to a sob story which made me have a traumatic childhood flashback, but hey— everything’s fine and dandy now. Guess he isn’t so bad as a pipsqueak." 

The two turned their gaze to the demigod that was interacting with the other kids. "I wished he could’ve stayed like that when he was an adult. Can you imagine? All this collateral damage could’ve been stopped if we gave him a juice box or something."

Pepper laughed, shaking her head as she walked over to join the kids. Tony sighed and tipped his head back. 

It’s been a long day.

He startled at the feeling of a small body that brushed against his leg. Looking down, he caught sight of Steve blinking up at him. Tony raised an eyebrow, tilting his head at him.

"A hi would’ve been nice, but what’s up?”

Steve just lifted his arms up, expectant. Tony rolled his eyes fondly before picking him up. "So you liking the weather up here? I’m sure it isn’t all that different from your point of view, since apparently even my own drawings can’t be tall." 

Steve burst into a fit of giggles, practically shaking in Tony’s hold.

“You’re funny.”

Tony’s eyes widened at that, his cheeks burning up. 

_Rogers snorted at a off-hand comment Tony made to Fury after one of their mission debriefings. Tony, as expected, was elated._

_“Oh?” Tony inquired, fighting to keep the grin off his face. “Have my jokes finally peaked through your old-fashioned forties conditioning?”_ _The captain only rolled his eyes, and leveled his gaze with a smirk (that was sort of attractive, let's be honest) before responding._

_“You’re funny.”_

"O-oh. Cool. Love my fans.” Tony stuttered out.

The others were calling the duo back over, and soon Steve started to wiggle in his grasp. Tony took that as a cue to set the blonde down and watched as the boy ran over to join the group. 

Tony could still feel the heat in his cheeks. 

"My, my, sir, getting flustered over a little boy? My programming suggests I call CPS." JARVIS teased, and wow, okay, why did he ever think programming sass on his A.I. was a good idea. 

"Shut your whore mouth, Jarvis. And where’s my bourbon?”


	5. I Love You, Natasha!

"It's over there! Is she blind?"

“Clint, wh—”

"Stop talking to us and turn around!"

Tony leaned his torso against the counter top, mindlessly scrolling through the miscellaneous on his starkpad. He paused his ministrations to raise a questionable eyebrow at the ruckus coming from the living space. His sleep schedule, surprisingly, had adjusted to him sleeping and waking up at a reasonable time now that he decided to play caretaker for six kids. It was safe to say that the change had steadily improved his health for the better, and he even got to stop hissing whenever he saw the sunrise. Another amazing feat.

But, in Tony’s opinion, 7am as a reasonable time was still on for debate. 

Clint scoffed. “She isn’t a good explorer. Who named her that?” 

“The producers.” Tony quipped back, humming once his lips touched the rim of his coffee cup. Ah, fuel.

Clint just huffed, continuing the berate the children’s show. Thor backed him up, agreeing with vigor at everything the other boy was saying. Loki, settled in between the two and draped in one of the couch throws, just side-eyed them in exasperation. Poor kid looked like he’d attack if Thor accidentally jostled him again. 

Bruce just watched idly, letting his small frame sink deeper into the plush couch cushions without complaint. His eyelids constantly drooped and looked like he’d much rather knock out from the rest of the world. Or maybe just from Clint and Thor.

Steve sat cross-legged on the floor, his gaze alternating between the screen and his drawing book, making good use of the pack of colored pencils Pepper bought him. 

Tony smiled and shook his head, setting the cup of coffee on the counter. He snuck another glance at the others to eye Natasha, the resident redhead seemingly detached from the group today. She was perched on one of the couches’ arm rest, silent as ever while hugging her knees to her chest. Her look was glazed, and had made no move to interact with any of the boys yet. 

The brunette furrowed his eyebrows, concerned. He decided to go over and greet her, initiating conversation.

"Hey Natasha, what's up buttercup?" 

Natasha flinched at his sudden presence. She turned to face the man, looking like she struggling to get her words out. After awhile she slumped, giving up as she rested her chin atop her knees.

"Nothing..." The response was too quiet. Too frail.

Tony crossed his arms, unconvinced. "Seems like a lie, but okay." Natasha frowned at that. "I’m serious. You feeling alright?” 

She nodded wordlessly, wanting to let the conversation go.

Tony sighed, relenting. "Fine. But if any of the guys are bugging you, I’m in your corner." He reassured, feeling a bit content at seeing the small lip quirk he got in response. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear before turning to face the others.

“I’m gonna be in the other room, don’t burn the place down.”

Clint snickered. “No promises!”

Thor guffawed at that, once again jostling his younger brother.

“THOR!”

Tony just whistled as he strolled out of the room, pretending not to hear the brewing storm developing. 

He was still a little disgruntled at Natasha’s somber demeanor this morning, but decided to chalk it down towards the redhead waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

Yeah, just a bad day.

* * *

Steve fell backwards onto the plush carpet, stretching his limbs like a cat. 

Tony strolled into the kids’ room, hands in his pockets as he eyed the youngsters. “You guys need anything? Snacks? Drinks?” He looked pointedly at the blonde sprawled by his feet. “Catnip?” 

The blonde just laughed. “Meow!” He chirped, then burst into hysterics when Tony teasingly poked at his ribs with his toes. 

Loki ran over to the adult to seek his attention too. Tony picked him up instantly, grunting when the smaller god used the opportunity to playfully tug at the man’s brown locks. 

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Oh, so that’s how it is huh?” He asked, before he started wiggling his fingers against the back of the other’s neck, smiling mischievously at the boy’s shrieks. 

Natasha just watched the scene unfold, her gaze longing.

Tony looked over at her with a grin. “Wanna tag team these two, red? I know you can take on Steve.”

Natasha stilled, before shaking her head and burying her face back into her book. 

Tony frowned, and set Loki back down to join the others. “Whatcha’ reading?” 

“Um,” Natasha fidgeted. “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”

“Excellent reading.” Tony praised, smiling gently at her. “A classic, really. I was thinking of writing a book similar to that.”

Bruce snorted. “Like what?”

Tony hummed thoughtfully, a hand on his chin. “How about… ‘If You Give a Bruce a Blanket’?” He teased, taking a jab at the boy’s morning state. The others burst into laughter, while Bruce pouted to try and hide a smile threatening to slip out.

“Or maybe ‘If You Give a Steve a Pencil’.” Steve beamed, nodding appreciatively.

“And then there’s ‘If You Give a Thor a Pop-tart’.” Thor groaned, rubbing his stomach and smacking his lips exaggeratedly. 

“I would love to read ‘If You Give a Loki a Laugh’, that’d be a hit.” Tony commented, playfully reaching over to the said boy and wiggling his fingers in front of his face. Loki cackled, slapping his hands away. 

Clint tugged on Tony’s sleeve, staring at him in anticipation. “Me too! Me too!”

Tony laughed, flicking his nose. “Yours is ‘If You Give a Clint a Remote Control’. It’d just be all about someone’s loud whining.” Clint gaped as the others cracked up, his blush reaching to the tip of his ears. 

Even Natasha smiled.

“Y-you forgot Tasha!” Clint pointed to her, trying to direct the attention away from himself. “Tasha needs a book, too!”

Tony turned to face the redhead who was staring at him with a more easy-going expression. She had the book set down and was eyeing him in excitement.

He grinned. “Of course, it’s ‘If You Give a Natasha a Knife’!”

Natasha’s face fell. 

Everyone except Tony howled with laughter, Clint being the loudest. “I’d be dead!” He joked, then proceeded to act out himself kicking the bucket with exaggerated choking and fainting gracefully to the floor. While the others were messing around, Tony could only stare and watch Natasha’s reaction, realizing he might have made a huge mistake.

The girl went back to her somber state, and without a word slipped down from her bed to go grab another book. 

Well shit.

* * *

Throughout the rest of the day, Tony’s mind kept racing back to Natasha. What was up with her? Did he do something wrong? Did the others? 

_Is there too much testosterone in the room? Do I gotta bring Pepper in more?_

It only got worse around dinner. 

Thor ran in first, then cheered. "Yay! Spaghetti!" He wasted no time in going to the table to grab himself a plate of his own. The others trailed behind him, all in good spirits.Tony smiled at their presence, and carefully waited for the redhead to walk in. She was the last to arrive, her movements slow and face devoid of emotion. 

"Hey Tasha, spaghetti’s on the menu tonight." Tony called out, holding out a plate he made for her. The girl nodded and went over to join the rest, sitting herself next to Clint.

Tony deliberately pulled a chair over to be beside Natasha, scooting closer to her side.

"Alright, eat up kids. This was cooked by yours truly, so plates better be spotless." Despite the joke, Tony was a little nervous. He decided to cook one of his mother’s recipes, the ones his mom left for him and told him to use for his own kids one day.

Eh, close enough.

Tony sat in anticipation, waiting for their reactions.

Steve was the first to voice out his review. "Wow, this is so good uncle Tony!" He praised, humming around a forkful of meatballs. 

Tony fidgeted, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "Y-you think so?" He flushed when the others made similar comments, a pang of warmth radiating from his chest. 

Clint leaned over, poking the redhead on the cheek. "Hey Tasha. Tashaaaa."

Tony was quick to scold him. "Clint, stop that. You're bothering her." 

The boy only frowned, muttering an apology before turning back to twirl at the spaghetti with his fork. 

Natasha said nothing.

Seriously. No reaction. She didn’t even hit him! 

Tony coughed. "Natasha, you haven't touched your food yet. Are you hungry?" 

She shook her head.

"I’m done. Can I go please?" She pleaded, almost like a whisper.

Tony blinked. 

“But...your food…”

“I’ll eat it.” Thor offered, talking around mouthfuls of spaghetti noodles. Loki looked at him in disgust. 

Natasha wordlessly pushed the untouched plate to the demigod before jumping down from the chair and to the living room, all while Tony just stared with unmasked worry.

Something wasn’t right. 

* * *

The kids managed to disperse after dinnertime, Bruce opting to tag along with ‘double trouble’ as they went to continue their show commentary in the living room.

“Ooo, I like her.” Clint commented, staring at the screen with a dopey smile. 

Tony, sitting on the couch across from the trio, just scoffed. “Is that all it takes for you to not complain about a show? Cute girls?” 

The boy shrugged, setting his priorities straight. Beside him was Thor nodding along in agreement, whereas Bruce just turned to stare at Tony with a helpless look. 

Tony snorted, reaching over to ruffle the boy’s hair. “You kids go on and continue watching, I’m gonna go visit the other three.”

Clint bit his lip. “L-like Tasha?” Tony tilted his head, staring at him intently.

“Yeah, you have something to say?” 

The other boy just looked down, dejected. “Can you tell her i’m sorry, uncle? Please?” 

Tony sighed, nodding.

"I’ll grab you all for bed later." Tony promised before leaving the room. 

Meanwhile, the two other boys were having fun entertaining themselves in the playroom. Steve stood in the center of the room, carrying a plastic sword in one hand and a makeshift toilet paper map in the other.

"Loki! Fire the cannons!" He commanded, and the said boy beside him saluted.

"Aye, aye, captain!" Loki responded, making sounds of explosions as he threw small bean bags across the room.

Steve fell down suddenly, pretending to have been shot. "Oh no! We've been attacked!" 

"Steve! No!" Loki cried out.

“It’s too late, Loki! Save yourself!”

Tony burst into the room, waggling his eyebrows mischievously. "Alrightly ye pirates, where have ye hidden my loot?"

Loki gasped, running to him. "Enemy!" 

"Hey buddy!" Tony greeted as he dropped a knee to the floor and crouched down to their level, holding his arms out. The smaller boy instinctively went to wrap his own tiny arms around him. 

Steve frowned, running over to them. "Loki! We don't hug our enemies!" 

The demigod pouted. "B-but, I love uncle Tony…" 

“Yep. And love’s the greatest weapon there is, ain’t it Lok-Lok?” He got a giggle in response. "By the way, you boys seen Natasha?"

"She's in the bedroom, I think." Steve responded, his mood a little dim now.

Tony gently extracted himself from Loki's grasp before standing up and brushing dirt off his trousers. "Cool. I’ll let you guys finish finding your buried treasure while I go and check up on her, okay?"

Before he headed out the door, Steve grabbed him by the sleeve and tugged him back. 

Fuck, that serum. 

"Yes Steve?" 

“Um,” Steve’s face was one of open concern. "Is Natasha alright?" 

Tony answered him back with a question of his own. “Why, have you noticed something?”

"It's just... she hasn't been talking much..." Steve admitted, playing with his fingers. 

_Steve, you boy scout, always concerned for others._

Tony eyed him for a moment, before deflating. "To be honest, I’m not so sure. I'll go find out what’s been bugging her, alright?"

The tiny blonde brightened. "Thanks uncle." 

Tony just smiled, reaching down to grab the fallen sword and hand it back to the boy. “Anytime, captain.” With a wink he departed from the room and left the boys to their own devices, heading over to the kids’ room with a heavy heart. 

He stopped in front of the closed door, taking a deep breath before knocking quietly.

No response. Alright, that was expected.

Tony opened the door quietly, squinting as he gazed around the dark room. “Tasha, where are you?” He slammed his palm against the wall, feeling for the light-switch.

Natasha flinched once the room brightened, curling into herself more. Tony felt something in him shatter at the prone figure lying on the bed, tiny shoulders shaking as it desperately tried to mask the distinct sound of muffled sobs. Without a word he went over to sit at the edge of the bed, trying to gather his thoughts.

It seemed so familiar.

_“Master Anthony?”_

_Edwin Jarvis gently rapted his knuckles against the closed door, balancing a tray of sweets in the other hand. There was no response. The butler slowly opened the door, eyes trying to adjust in the dark room in attempts of finding the young child. He strained his ears to hear him, and recognized the sound of a small whimper._

_His face morphed into one of worry. Quickly, he sought out the table lamp._

_Further down the room was Tony curled up in his bed, his tiny frame wracked by silent sobs. He flinched at the sudden light filling his room, and had made no move to acknowledge the other's presence. Jarvis gently set down his tray before heading towards the boy, sitting beside him._

_“What’s upsetting you, young master?”_

_Tony slowly uncurled himself, and waited a while before answering. “...Daddy kicked me out again. Daddy doesn’t love me. Nobody does.”_

_Jarvis held the other’s gaze with a sympathetic stare, before reaching out and gathering the younger boy in his arms. “Young master, I know I can’t speak for your father, but don’t ever doubt my love for you.”_

_The tiny boy just sniffled. “Y-you do?”_

_“Of course, master Anthony.” The butler hummed. “You’re the highlight of my day. I am so honored to be able to watch you grow. You are truly one of a kind.” He pulled back so that he could properly face him._

_“And I have no doubt you’ll grow up to be an amazing man. I only hope I live long enough to see that day.”_

_Tony smiled through his tears, pressing his face into the crook of the butler’s neck. “I love you too, Mr. Jarvis. Thank you for being here.”_

_“For you sir, always.”_

He didn’t feel like an amazing man at the moment.

“... Please talk to me, Tasha.” He was desperate to right his wrongs.

Natasha slowly sat up, droplets of tears hitting the bedspread. She made no move to lift her head and meet his eyes. "W-why are you so nice to me, uncle? Don't you hate me?" She choked out.

_This is Loki all over again._

Tony just reached out and slowly took her hands, easing them out of the tight fists she held them in. 

“Explain it to me. Why should I hate you?” Tony asked gently, rubbing small circles to the back of her hand with his thumb. 

Natasha took a moment to answer. “I-I’m not nice. I yell at the table and fight with Clint, and… I steal the knives...and," She sniffled. “I hurt you.”

Tony nodded in understanding as everything came out to light. He sighed fondly. 

"Tasha, honey,” He started, tilting her head up to meet his gaze. “No need to waste tears on things that aren’t true.” 

“B-but—”

“Nope. My turn to explain.” Tony cut her off, cupping her tiny face in the palms of his hands. “Your actions— while eccentric, not gonna lie— are so lovable and just so _you._ ” He squished her cheeks as he said this, causing the girl to giggle. “I look at you and the others and not once hold feelings even close to hate. I’m sorry if it seemed like I did, I just worry for your guys’ safety. And...”

He trailed off suddenly and looked around the room in exaggerated movements, before bending down to whisper in Natasha’s ear.

“To be honest, I think you’re super cool.” The redhead’s face lit up.

“R-really?”

Tony nodded, pinching her cheek gently. “You betcha. The only girl out of six kids, and they’re all scared of you? I applaud you, woman.” 

Natasha laughed, her mood visibly brightened. 

“You’re so strong, you know that? Our first meeting wasn’t great, that’s true— but you were just being your super cool self by not letting yourself trust a stranger. I could never hate you for that. I’m so proud.” The redhead just smiled, tearing up. Tony’s sure it wasn’t because of sadness this time.

“And Tasha?”

She rubbed at her eyes. “Yeah?”

“Please tell me whatever eats you up from now on, okay?” Tony didn’t know if he could take anymore depressed children. 

Natasha leaped up to tackle the brunette into a hug, practically smashing her face into his chest. "I-I'm sorry uncle Tony, I love you."

Tony reciprocated the hug by wrapping his arms around her small frame, engulfed with an instinctive urge to protect her as he laid his chin on the crown of her head. "There's nothing to be sorry about, princess. I love you too."

The bruises he may or may not have gotten from their first meeting was all worth it.

"Oh, and Clint said he's sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next one's gonna be with clint & thor, alongside the introduction of one of my favorite crackships clark kent x tony stark LOL 
> 
> hope you enjoy!


	6. I Love You, Clint and Thor!

“Stop looking at me like that, with those beady little eyes, it’s creepy.”

The children just blinked up at him, feigning innocence. 

Tony sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and staring them down with his own challenging gaze. All day the kids have been flocking around him like a group of ducklings, practically attached to his hip (with Loki, it was literally). He couldn’t even go to the goddamn bathroom without one of the little squirts asking to accompany him.

No, Clint, you can’t stay while I tinkle. 

They kept up with this charade all the way up to the mid-morning. Tony, however, just huffed and refused to break first. It’s like they expected him to catch on to their ploy and somehow figure out what’s their deal. He’s a genius, but he’s not a mind reader. 

The others, meanwhile, looked to be in various states of frustration with patience running thin. It seemed only time would tell when they would break and finally just _tell_ him what the problem was. 

Would they even _have_ problems? They’re four. 

Clint finally broke. Knew it.

“Uncle, we’re bored!” He cried out, stomping his foot to really seal the deal of his distress. The others nodded frantically, practically pleading for help with their stares. Tony just scoffed, turning back to his phone.

“And what am I supposed to do about that?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Entertain us.”

Tony just gasped, clutching his chest. “Oh my, how blind I’ve been. I must have been so busy— setting up a playroom that gets continuously stocked with new toys every week and whenever you request alongside a flat screen tv in the living room that has every streaming service known to man— that I had _no_ idea you guys were bored. Oh, arrest me.”

“But we want to go outside, uncle!” Thor argued, jumping up and down. 

Tony paused, considering the plea with reluctance. He hasn’t taken the kids outside the tower since visiting SHIELD under strict orders that this certain mishap doesn't leak to the public. Plus, having Tony Stark out with six kids would raise a few eyebrows. It’d be a field day. 

The brunette could almost sweat-drop at the headlines it’d bring.

If he were to do this, he’d have to plan accordingly. He’d have to notify SHIELD (more specifically Fury, ugh) and set up precautionary measures. He’d have to contact Pepper as well incase she does another impromptu visit, or maybe even bestow a few tips to him (he’s never done this before okay). It’d also be pretty great if Tony was allowed to bring an extra set of hands to accompany him, since he himself doesn’t even trust the rugrats running around the tower half the time. 

Tony strode across the room, lost in thought. The kids watched him pace around, murmuring to himself like a mad man. 

_This is my first time taking them out somewhere. What if something goes wrong? There’s too many heads to watch over at once. One could get lost, or hurt, or kidnapped, or worse_ _—_ _throw a tantrum in public._

No, he couldn’t do this. It’s too risky. It’s— 

— A tiny hand hesitantly pulled at the hem of his shirt and away from his intrusive thoughts. Looking down, he caught sight of Steve’s bright blue eyes, big and pleading. “Please, uncle?”

….

“So who’s up for some fresh, non-ventilated air?” 

* * *

The kids wasted no time in filing out of the car, jaws dropping in unison as they looked around unmasked glee. 

Tony just sighed, pulling the cap down further as if to secure his disguise. “Well, we’re here. Whoop-de-do.” 

The ducklings only cheered, buzzing in excitement. 

Central Park was bustling with attractions, especially in the summertime. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable place to take the kids and kill time. Tony might even be able to wind down once the kids were occupied in whatever activity they wanted to indulge themselves in today.

And they won’t be getting any sunburns on his watch.

"Eyes closed and arms up, tadpoles!" Tony said as he rummaged through his bag to retrieve the spray on sunscreen.

Bruce frowned. "Uncle Tony, why are we on leashes?"

“Yeah,” Clint shouted, squirming around. “We’re not puppies!”

Tony huffed. “First of all, let’s call them safety harnesses, it sounds more socially acceptable. Secondly, they’re only temporary. I don’t trust myself watching you little imps on my own. Once my friend gets here I’ll take them off and you all can...I don’t know, pee on a hydrant or something. Go nuts.”

The others (except Steve) tried to run from Tony’s grasp, but barely made a dent in space as they were tugged back by the harnesses. The resident boy scout just beamed up at his uncle. 

“Thank you so much for taking us here, uncle!” 

The brunette flushed at such genuine gratitude. "I-It’s nothing, kid.” He cleared his throat. “Anyways, you guys are roped until my friend arrives. Won’t be too long...I hope.” He murmured that last part.

Loki blinked up at him. “Who’s coming? Is it aunt Pepper?” The others perked up at that.

Tony shook his head. “Sorry munchkins, Pep’s busy being a boring stick in the mud. I called someone else.”

And speak of the devil, “Tony?”

Tony’s heart stuttered in his chest, and slowly he turned around to face the owner of that deep (and so goddamn _sensual_ ) voice. “....Clark.”

The said man just peered down at him, baby blue eyes glinting in amusement. He didn’t even looked all that bothered by the blazing weather, despite being decked in a long-sleeved attire. With thick-framed glasses and plaid button down with a tie— mmm, hot nerd alert. His get up didn’t even mask his bulky stature, and those bulging muscles only seemed more prominent once he crossed his arms over his chest. "So, who's in trouble?" 

“Me.” Tony said immediately, then gestured to the six kids who were all staring up at the new face with wonder. Clark’s gaze traveled between the kids to Tony, arching an eyebrow. 

“Kids.” Clark said flatly, then tilted his head like a confused puppy. “Kids...? Your kids?”

“God no.” Tony clutched his hand over his heart. “I wrap before I tap, Kent. I’m baby-sitting, but even I can admit I need an extra set of hands to watch them while out in public.” Tony’s demeanor suddenly dimmed. “I… I don’t have a good track record in safety, and I don’t want to drag these kids into one of my messes because of it.”

Clark’s gaze softened as he shook his head. “Don’t say that, Tones. You do your best.” Tony just scoffed, before turning a pleading gaze up towards the other man.

“So what do you say? Wanna help an ‘old friend-turned lover-turned ex lover-turned booty call’ out?” 

Clark snorted, staring down at him affectionately. "You know those eyes of yours can be a weakness of mine, that’s extortion.” He uncrossed his arms and nodded. "Of course I’ll help."

Tony sighed in relief, and was about to respond when Thor cut him off.

"Are you uncle Tony's friend?" He questioned.

"Why yes I am." Clark replied, before crouching down to their level and looking over at them with a gentle smile. "I'm Clark Kent. I'll be hanging out with you guys today." He held out a hand for one of them to shake.

Steve stepped out and shook it. "Hi mister, I'm Steve Rogers!" 

Clark startled back and turned over to Tony with questioning eyes.

"...I'll explain it to you later." Tony left it at that. 

Clark just narrowed his eyes at him playfully, before standing up and settling his hands on his hips. “So, what are we doing first?”

Tony eyed him up and down shamelessly. “Change. I’m sweating just looking at you. It’s like eighty-four degrees outside, why all the layers?”

The other man just scoffed. “You were pretty vague in your request of wanting help. I didn’t know if you needed help from Clark or,” He undid his tie and managed to pop the first few buttons of his shirt deliberately. “Superman.”

Tony just eyed the small flash of his skin-tight suit, remembering just _how_ skin-tight it looked on him. “Well, don’t stop stripping on my watch.” He teased and Clark laughed. “Change out of both get-ups, wonderboy. I brought you clothes.”

Clark caught the garments Tony threw at him, eyeing them with suspicion. “What, no shirt?”

The smaller man just grinned, winking at him. “Oops. Must have slipped my mind.” He turned back to the kids and proceeded to spray them with sunscreen. “Kidding, I brought you a shirt. Besides, don’t need it right now. The kids want to swim first. Barton, I swear to god if you try to lick the sunscreen mister I’ll—”

Tony was too occupied in scolding double trouble on the ‘consumption of toxic chemicals’ that he managed to miss the other man’s longing look.

* * *

“I’m free!” Clint screeched, wiggling his small limbs around once he was out of his confines. 

Tony just rolled his eyes as he finished unfastening the rest of the kids’ harnesses. Once finished with that task, he grabbed his soda cup and sipped a big gulp. 

"You’re all gonna behave yourself today, kids, or else kiss dessert today goodbye. Me and Clark have our eyes and ears on you rascals.” Tony looked around, frowning. “Where is that big lug anyways…" 

Tony turned and promptly choked on his straw.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late." 

Clark grabbed the eyes of many as he walked towards the group, having swapped his attire for a well fitting pair of boardshorts and flip flops. Tony still felt parched despite a drink in hand. 

The kryptonian just smiled, staring at him expectantly. "So, the pool you said?"

"Y-yeah. Schedule’s pretty flexible today, I’m going with what the kids vouch for. Probably the playground after this, or watch a show, really the possibilities are endless. Their small bodies are gonna get hungry pretty fast, too. Don’t worry about paying, seriously— I'll be offended. We can squeeze in time to eat and abs— GRAB— drinks, then maybe go on a few rides. Do you want to switch off throughout the day with them, or watch them together, actually yeah watching them together seems like the better option— " Tony rambled off, pointedly looking at anything other than shirtless man in front of him. 

Clark finally stopped him. "Breathe, bambi." He teased, and Tony flushed at the kids’ giggles. 

_This is gonna be a long day._

And it was.

It was really... eventful, to put it nicely.

After a dip in the pool (it didn’t last long since, being as they were forced out when Clint decided to pull on girls' bikini straps and Steve’s forties sensibilities practically flushed at such huge displays of skin) they went on to venture off throughout the rest of the park. They strolled through the gardens, taking in the peace and serenity (that also didn’t last long, Thor pushed Clint into the bushes. Tony was pissed).

The adults then took them to the playgrounds on the North End, and after that squeezed in a puppet show (Clark purposely sat himself between Thor and Clint, keeping a firm grip on both of their shoulders). 

Central Park also had a carousel the kids practically begged to go on once it came into view. Tony all but pushed them into line, desperate to have a few minutes without the kids glued to his side (he needed a short break, okay, they’ve been attached to him since this morning. Plus, he wanted to take pictures of them on it. Frame it in a photo book or something). 

They also visited the Bethesda Fountain after eating. Tony and Clark couldn’t fight the blush off their cheeks when an elderly couple approached them and commented on their ‘lovely family, your kids are simply adorable’. 

The kids decided to make up their own fun later on in the day and coerced Clark into playing tag with them in one of the park’s open spaces while Tony took the opportunity lie down on a beach towel and nab a quick (and well-deserved) nap. After, it was decided by the pair to end the day by bringing the children to Victorian Gardens, the mini amusement park acting as the perfect place to indulge their little adrenaline junkies. 

They actually managed to squeeze in a bunch of other stuff too, but all in all, it was a good day.

Plus, Thor’s favorite pastime? Shakespeare in the Park. Tony got a huge kick out of that one.

Clark pursed his lips. "So, that’s what happened.” 

Tony nodded, slumping in his seat and leaning a bit to look over at the scenery.

The ferris wheel was the last thing on the agenda today, and Clark and Tony finally got to spend some time alone while the kids were paired up in their own baskets. It gave the duo some time to catch up, and more specifically for Tony to explain the current dilemma he and SHIELD had at hand. 

“Can I ask one more thing?” Tony nodded. “Don’t get me wrong— I’m glad you called, honest, but I’m kind of surprised of even being considered.”

Tony bit his lip, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah, uh, everyone else I had in mind were no-gos. Pepper was busy, Rhodey’s out of the country at the moment, and while SHIELD offered a sitter to accompany me I wasn’t too keen on the idea of bringing one of Fury’s baby agents. Plus...” Tony trailed off, hesitating to finish.

“I… I just remembered how good you were with kids, so…” 

Clark looked down at that, rubbing his neck. “O-oh. Wow. That’s...that’s understandable, then.” 

The next couple of minutes was met with awkward silence. 

Clark coughed. "Well… the offer still stands, you can always call on me if you need anything. It’s been awhile and, well, I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t been missing you.”

Tony huffed a laugh. "My sentiments, exactly. Look, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Our history is kind of complicated, and the last time we met up we didn’t do so much talking.”

Clark’s lip twitched. “And less clothing, too.” 

The brunette blushed, rolling his eyes. “My point is I still care about you. That’s not gonna change, Clark. You’ve always been one of my closest friends.” Tony confessed, looking at him with uncharacteristically soft eyes. “You mean a lot to me and I still want you around in my life.”

Clark smiled, cheeks tinting. "I really want you around in my life, too."

Tony grinned. “Cool. Blood oath?” The other man just knocked his foot against his in a teasing manner.

The ferris wheel abruptly stopped, startling the both of them. "I guess the ride is over, then." Tony commented, peering down the basket. 

“...It was nice catching up. I hope we can do something like this again soon." 

"Oh you will. The kids adore you, Clark. You’re locked into this situation now, too.”

Clark laughed. “I didn’t even get a warning!”

Tony waved it off. “That’s on you for not reading the fine print. Plus, with these rugrats, I think I'll need all the help from Superman that I can get." The two just chuckled, settling into a more comfortable silence. Once they got down from their basket, they walked over to where the kids were waiting.

Bruce was the first to run up to them. "We had so much fun, uncle!" 

Clark picked him up and into his arms while Tony ruffled his hair. "Really? What did you guys like best?" 

"The carousel, uncle! It looked like the same one in Coney Island when ma took me and Buck." Steve answered first as he slipped one of his tiny hands into Tony’s, Loki taking the other. Tony just squeezed back, smiling. The group made their way out of the area, treading back to the car. 

Natasha was jumping up and down. "The swings at the playground! Mr. Clark pushed us really high." Clark laughed and picked up her as well, having two kids now in his grasp.

"I liked the ferris wheel. All the lights are really pretty at night." Bruce shyly commented.

Clark hummed, sneaking a glance at the other adult. "I liked the ferris wheel, too."

"The gardens!" Loki giggled. “Clint and big brother Thor made uncle Tony turn red as a tomato!” 

Tony blushed, remembering that fiasco. Next to him, Clark groaned. “Don’t forget the pool. Clint gets very handsy.” He leaned over to whisper in Tony’s ear. “Was he like that as an adult, may I ask?” 

The other man just shrugged. They were already halfway near their destination when Steve spoke up again.

"…where are they?" He suddenly asked, looking around.

The rest paused, realizing that the boys didn’t re-group with the others. Clark and Tony frantically looked around but didn’t see double trouble anywhere in sight. 

Tony's eyes widened, and he dropped the hands he was holding as he started to hyperventilate. 

"Oh god, I lost them! I can't believe I lost them." 

Clark immediately set Bruce and Natasha down before pulling the trembling man into his arms. "Hey, hey, hey, deep breaths. There you go, that’s it.” He ran a large hand through the smaller man’s hair. “Don’t blame yourself, Tony, I’m at fault too. Let me take some of it. ”

Tony’s eyes started to water. “Clark, we have to find them— we have to, I can’t —" 

_Tony's muffled sobs could be heard as he cried into the dirty cloth covering his mouth, a waterfall of tears cascading down his cheeks. He was terrified, practically shaking in his captor's hold._

_"Quiet, kid." The man threatened. "Or else you don't get hurt."_

_The other kidnapper, a bit more menacing with a scar that ran past his right eye, just snorted and took out his pocket knife. "Why don't we just stab him a little, that'll shut him up." Tony choked out another sob, eyeing the glinting blade with unmasked fear._

_The man stared pointedly at his partner. "The fuck's wrong with you, man? We can't injure the kid— Stark's gonna refuse to pay the ransom money if there's even a hair misplaced on his head."_

_Scar-face guy just rolled his eyes. "Hell, you really think that son of a bitch will even care? The guy was too busy schmoozing with the press that he didn't realize his bastard son went missing from his side."_

_"Well he knows now, so just shut the fuck up and—"_

_Tony managed to drown them out as he tiredly slumped down in the dark, enclosed room. He was cold and hungry. He didn't want to be here._

_He wanted to be with his mama, his aunt Peggy, Mr. Jarvis._

_He didn't like being a Stark._

Clark broke him out of his thoughts. "Let’s do that, then. Let’s go find them." Tony took a shaky breath, nodding.

The two went over and grabbed the kids before moving them into a discreet area away from the public. 

“Tones, I’m leaving the rest of the kids with you while I see if I can spot the boys from an aerial view. I’ll call you as soon as I find them, okay?” Clark leaned over, pressing a comforting kiss to his temple. “I’ll be back.”

The kids shouted in awe as they watched the man blast off into the sky, while Tony pursed his lips, still ridden with worry. 

“Enough staring, kids. We still gotta search for those troublemakers on ground.”

* * *

Tony practically sobbed in relief when he felt his phone vibrate. 

“Clark?!”

The deep voice on the other line sounded a bit breathless. “Yeah, Tones. I found them. Head back to the ferris wheel.”

It didn’t take the group long to arrive back at Victorian Gardens. The kids practically shouted in joy at seeing Clark alongside Clint and Thor, both sitting on a nearby bench and pointedly staring at the ground. Loki ran up to them first, tears in his eyes.

“Thor!” Loki cried, wrapping his older brother in a tight hug. “I was so scared!” 

Natasha wordlessly slid up to Clint’s side, poking him on the cheek. “I’m glad you’re okay, you dummy.” 

Bruce and Steve hung back from the reunion, more concerned for their uncle who was staring at the boys with an unreadable expression. Tony turned to Clark, nodding in thanks.

“Give me a minute?”

Clark was already one step ahead, motioning for Loki and Natasha to come over. “Of course, take as long as you need. C’mon kids, I don’t know about you but I’m in the mood for some cotton candy.”

“Me too! Me too!”

“I want the blue one!”

The other three were silent as they listened to the groups’ mindless chatter trail off until they were out of earshot. Slowly, Tony kneeled down in front of them.

“Look at me.”

Clint and Thor shook their heads.

Tony sighed, placing a hand on both their knees. "I'm not mad. C’mon, I just want to see if Clark brought back the right kids."

Eventually, Clint and Thor mustered up enough courage to look up, eyes both red from crying and lips trembling. Tony’s breath hitched as he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. Spending the last hour overwhelmed with so much guilt and anxiety, Tony could almost pass out in relief.

Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around both their small frames and into a tight embrace. 

"God, you have no idea how worried I was..." Tony murmured, hugging them as close as possible as if they’d disappear. 

Clint smashed his face into Tony’s shoulder, shaking. "I-I’m sorry uncle Tony, p-please don't be mad." 

Thor sniffled. "I'm s-sorry, too. We didn’t m-mean to." 

Tony felt a tear slid down his cheek. “I thought I lost you two. I didn’t know where you were, or if you were even safe. If something happened to you guys, I would have never forgiven myself." Clint and Thor just sobbed at that.

"W-we just wanted to win you a stuffed animal… b-because we always get in trouble." Clint managed to muffle into Tony's shoulder. Thor nodded frantically.

"We were s-sad that we always make you angry, s-so we...we wanted to get you a stuffed animal to say we’re sorry…" 

Tony choked back a sob as he felt his heart swell up at the confession. "You two didn't have to do that. I just want you guys safe and sound. No kidding are you boys are a pain in my ass sometimes, but there's without a doubt no other group of troublemakers I'd rather take care of. _Please_ never do something like this again. I... I love you, so much." The brunette pulled back a little from the embrace to smack a kiss on both their cheeks, tears be damned. 

Clint and Thor just pressed closer to Tony. "We love you too, uncle..."

At that moment, Tony realized that he was in too deep with this baby-sitting business. He also realized that he didn’t really care. For however long he had them like this, he’d protect these kids with his life.

That night, they all went home. 

But not without winning Tony a stuffed animal, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer that I don't live nor have ever visited NYC so idk if i wrote central park accurately (its a dream of mine to go there one day but since I can't right now i'm living it through my characters lol)
> 
> & yay clark x tony! there's a long history for them that will be dived into in a future chapter. tbh i really had so much fun writing them that i might honestly write a clark/tony one shot (their dynamic will be totally separate and won't relate to this story, though)
> 
> also in the original chapter i actually wrote them going to coney island, but i was like "eh, central park's closer" i hope any original readers are liking the changes i've made in the story so far and if not i apologize :(
> 
> hope you guys like this chapter!


	7. I Love You, Bruce!

“Jarvis, security breach.” 

Pepper rolled her eyes fondly.

Tony dragged his feet towards the kitchen, narrowing his eyes at the strawberry blonde as he made a bee-line for the brewing coffee pot. He yawned tiredly, stretching his stiff limbs.

“Be a dear and pass me my mug, please.”

Pepper just sighed but nevertheless handed him a mug, eyeing him with a puzzled look. “Look at you. Did you even get any rest? I thought your sleep cycle was getting better now with the kids around.”

Tony just shrugged, slumping against the counter. “Dunno, the kids and I were up playing board games. Also, platypus called last night.”

“How is Rhodey?”

“Swell. Told him about the baby fiasco— he didn’t buy it. I had to put him on video call and meet the munchkins to prove it. The only thing he said was, ‘You better not drag me into this bullshit when I’m back’. How rude, I’ve never dragged him into any kind of bullshit before in my life.” Tony poured his coffee, looking a bit more awake now. 

Pepper snorted. “Of course, the audacity of him. Also, when you’re finished with that cup you better start getting ready for that company meeting.”

Tony groaned. “Ugh, this is why I handed over my company to _you._ ”

“You’re still the chairman, Tony. Can’t get out of this one, I’m afraid.” Pepper checked her watch before patting Tony on the shoulder. “Jet leaves at nine, meeting is at four. Hurry up before I put you on a leash.”

“Kinky.”

Pepper sighed. “You’re insufferable, sometimes. Did you tell the kids you were going to be gone for a few days?”

The brunette nodded, taking a sip from his mug. “Why’d you think I was up late? They wanted my undivided attention all day yesterday because I leave today. They took the news better than I thought, though.” 

"Poor things. When I have the chance I’ll assure them that we won’t be in California for too long. Don’t worry about introducing Phil to the kids, just get ready while I do it."

Tony paused at that, putting his mug down. “Excuse me— _Phil_? Phil Coulson? That’s who you called to baby-sit the rugrats? Did Fury just decide that he'd be fine without his extra set of eyes today?”

“What’s your problem with Phil coming over?”

“I mean, I’ve never seen the guy interact with kids before. What if he... does 'things' to one of them? Like Steve? He’s already got a big ol’ fanboy crush on the adult one, no matter how much he tries to hide it."

Pepper laughed. "You’re spouting nonsense, Tony. I’m sure he’ll be fine. I mean, everyone was a little skeptical of you taking care of the kids but look at you now— they’re still alive and kicking.” She sent him a sly look. “Plus, isn’t that a little hypocritical of you? Phil isn’t the only one with a big ol’ fanboy crush on the American icon, no matter how much _you_ try to hide it.” 

Tony spluttered, cheeks tinting as he tried to argue. “You sit on a throne of lies, Potts. I have no idea where you got that information but it’s all bullsh- poop. Morning Bruce!” 

The two turned to stare at the boy currently walking towards them, rubbing at his eyes. He still looked drowsy, yawning as he stared heavy-eyed at the two adults. He gave them a lazy smile.

“Hi, uncle Tony. Morning, aunt Pepper.” 

Tony crossed his arms. “She gets ‘morning’?”

Pepper smiled, running a hand through his unkempt bed hair. “Good morning, Bruce. Why are you up so early?” 

Bruce shrugged. “I couldn't sleep. Can I have a snack, please?” Tony turned to the cabinets, already on the case, when Pepper tugged him back.

“Get ready, Tony. I’ll do it.” 

“Fine, fine. I’ll turn my nanny privileges to you just this once. I’ll see you in a few, Bruce. Annoy Pepper for me!” He saluted at the two before heading to his master suite.

Pepper just watched him go, shaking her head. Her gaze turned back to Bruce.

"So, how bout some morning ice cream? I won't tell if you won't tell."

Bruce smiled. Aunt Pepper was so cool. 

* * *

Tony whistled a small tune, eyeing himself in the full length body mirror as he finished fastening his cufflinks. He stopped to turn at the knock coming from his door. “Door’s open.”

Slowly the door creaked open, and from the small opening did he see a flash of black hair and big, brown eyes in framed glasses peek from behind. Tony just snorted and waved him over. “Hey, Bruce. You can come in, don’t be shy. What’s up?”

Bruce pushed the door wider open and rushed into the room, a small pout in place. He approached him with heavy steps, his gaze downcast. 

“Do you have to go, uncle?” 

Tony sighed as he knelt down to face the crestfallen boy, brushing his messy hair back affectionately. “I really do, champ. Your aunt Pep and I have to go out for some important work, but I promise once that’s done and over with we’re taking the next flight back.”

Bruce just frowned.

“Aw, chin up bud. You kids will be fine. Here,” Tony walked over to his dresser and grabbed a velvet jewelry box. Inside was a gag gift Pepper got him one Christmas— a necklace with a mini arc reactor pendant. It even lit up. He walked back to Bruce and placed it on him. “There. Even when I’m gone you’ll still have a piece of your uncle Tony.”

Bruce stared down at it in awe, tiny fingers enclosing over the small pendant. “It looks like the one in your chest, uncle!” 

Tony chuckled, nodding. “Think you can keep it safe for me until I’m back?” The boy nodded, beaming.

“I promise! Thank you, uncle.” 

Pepper made her presence known as she stood by the threshold and rapt her knuckles against the doorframe. “Happy’s outside waiting for us. Come say bye to the rest of the kids.” 

Tony nodded, ruffling the boy’s hair once more before guiding them out of the room and into the living space. The rest of the kids were already out there, surrounding Coulson with inquisitive eyes and bombarding him with questions. The agent didn’t seem aggravated, however, and answered as many questions as he could. 

“Wow, I'm getting replaced already?”

The kids shouted in glee at the presence of their uncle, all running up to wrap their tiny limbs tight around him. Tony laughed and held them as close as possible (he’ll go on to deny that he teared up). “I bid you all adieu, my little tadpoles. Behave yourselves, you hear me?” 

Everyone nodded their heads, but made no move to release him. Pepper went over to the puppy pile and slowly took Tony out of their grasp. “I’m sorry kids, we really have to go.” She bit her lip to stop herself from smiling at the tiny complaints. “Uncle Phil will be staying you guys, I hope you all have fun.”

Tony approached the agent, extending out a hand. “Take care of my babies, Coulson.” 

Coulson took the hand in a firm grasp, chuckling. “So they’re your ‘babies’ now?” 

“That’s right, it’s gonna be laminated on the wall soon. I leave it to you to look over their rowdy little heads, and call me if anything goes south.”

Coulson nodded, smiling gently. “I’ll have it all under control.” Tony grinned at that, satisfied. 

Steve shyly approached his uncle, staring up at him with his big blue eyes. “U-Uncle Tones?”

Tony crouched down. “Yeah, little man?” 

“Can I….” Steve looked down, biting his lip. “Can I give you a kiss before you go?”

Tony tried his hardest not to turn at the sounds of snickering coming from the adults behind him. 

Instead, he just stuttered. “O-oh, I-I...uh, what for, bud?”

Steve rocked back on his heels, blushing as he tried to explain. “Ma always gives me a kiss before I go out with Buck a-and always tells me to be safe. It’s a ‘be safe’ kiss.”

Tony slapped a hand over his mouth to fight off a blush of his own (you gotta admit that was pretty adorable). But never mind that— holy shit, Steve Rogers just asked if he could _kiss_ him. 

C’mon, Stark, it’s just a kiss.

From Captain America. Well, baby America. But _still_. 

Nevertheless, Tony just wordlessly bent his head down closer to the boy, and Steve didn’t hesitate to smack a big wet one on his cheek. “Be safe, uncle Tones!” Coulson sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll be all safe and sound, now.”

_Bastard. I don’t see Captain America asking to kiss you, now do I?_

After another round of farewells the two headed to the elevators and watched as Coulson started to interact with the kids. Tony eyed the group with one last longing look before the elevator doors closed.

Pepper rubbed his back comfortingly. “Don’t worry, Tony. Phil’s got it taken care of. They’ll be fine.”

The man just sighed, slumping against the elevator wall. “Guess so.”

It was silent for a couple of minutes before Pepper spoke up again. “So, Clark huh?” 

Tony spluttered. “What?!” 

“Cheating on Steve already, Mr. Stark?”

“Again. What?!”

Pepper just winked. “Don’t think I wouldn't find out about Central Park. You have to tell me all about it.”

“I don’t have to tell you _anything_.” Tony bit out, blushing furiously. 

The other woman just hummed, unfazed. “Yes you will.” 

A beat of silence.

Then a sigh. “Yeah, I will.” 

* * *

Yawn.

The meeting was a bore. He can’t believe Pepper dragged him out here. 

Here’s what the board meeting consisted of: boring lectures, boring insights, boring people. Tony honestly questioned if any of these men have ever smiled in their life. The brunette kept himself entertained by leaning back in his chair and counting every age spot on those closest to him. It was torture.

"I thought I wasn't gonna make it." Tony groaned dramatically, stretching his limbs on the couch. Pepper grinned, grabbing another donut from the box.

"You say that after every meeting."

The two lounged around in the living room of Tony’s Malibu mansion, eating Randy’s for dinner and killing some time before their next flight to New York. Tony took a bite out of his donut while simultaneously reading a SHIELD file of compiled paperwork regarding every piece of information they could find on the Avengers' childhoods. Both he and Fury came to an agreement that raising them would be much more beneficial with him having background knowledge on how they spent their first childhoods. 

So far, much of it was depressing. 

Clint was a foster home runaway who joined a traveling circus, a place where he adopted his archery skills and apprenticed himself to a man who ended up back-stabbing him. Steve lived through The Great Depression, his father having died when he was a baby and thus raised by his mother, a nurse who struggled to make ends meet. Natasha, an orphan, grew up under the control of the Red Room and from a young age was conditioned through intense training to become an elite assassin. 

Thor’s was a little more easier to absorb— the crown prince of Asgard and heir to the throne, listed as the only one known of being able to wield Mjolnir. Unfortunately, that made Loki’s information much harder to stomach. Adopted son, his true race the enemies of Asgard and constantly shadowed by his adoring brother while he sat on the sidelines. 

The two were halfway through the box of donuts when Tony started to read up on Bruce’s information.

Pepper’s eyes widened as she skimmed through the file with him. “Bruce was a victim of child abuse?” Tony nodded sadly.

“Yeah, he mentioned it a few times. Wasn’t as detailed as this file, but I got the gist of it.” 

Bruce had an alcoholic father who detested his existence and constantly called him a “monster”, constantly opting as the punching bag during his father’s bad tantrums. 

“Thank god that sick fuck is locked up,” Tony commented as he read through the rest of the file, frowning in digust. “He’s reserved a special place for himself in hell.” 

“Agreed.” Pepper closed the file and stared at her friend with a reassuring smile. "Don’t take the information so hard. You’re raising them, now. They get a second chance of a better childhood because of you."

Tony turned to the windows that overlooked the ocean, staring at the scenery outside so that she wouldn’t see his eyes brimming with tears. "I-I know, but—" his breath hitched. He felt horrible. He constantly viewed his childhood as a negative experience, but it was barely a dent if you compared it to the others. God, who was he to complain about not getting enough attention from dear ol’ dad when Bruce and Clint were abused by their fathers and Steve not even getting to interact with his. 

At least he had Aunt Pegs, Mr. Jarvis (and sweet Ana), his uncle Commandos, his mother. He was fine.

_Maybe that’s why I was the only one who didn't get a second chance._

Tony looked down, having barely noticed that his phone was vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that the caller ID was Coulson. 

“Is it Phil?” Pepper asked. Tony shrugged, accepting the call and bringing it to his ear.

“Yeah. The munchkins probably want to say hi.”

Coulson’s voice was frantic on the other line. “ _STARK! I’m so sorry, but you have to come back.”_

Tony froze, feeling his heartbeat quicken. "C-Coulson? What’s… what’s—” Pepper stopped looking through her phone to raise an eyebrow at him.

" _I_ _t’s Bruce, he—_ " 

Coulson didn't finish that sentence.

Tony stood up abruptly, practically yelling into his phone. "Coulson?! Agent ?! ANSWER ME!" Pepper ran to his side, trying to calm him down. He was practically shaking in her hold. The pair’s eyes widened as they started to pick up the commotion coming from the other line. 

Things smashing. People yelling. His kids _crying_. 

Coulson’s voice was distinguishable. " _Bruce, please. You have to calm down!"_

A raged roar came in reply. 

" _W-what's going on?"_ Was that Clint?

" _I_ _-I'm s-scared."_ Oh god, Loki.

" _I’m here, brother."_ Thor.

" _What’s wrong with Bruce?!"_ Natasha.

" _I-I w-want Uncle T-Tony!"_ …Steve.

Tony ran out of the living room and into the lab, leaving a worried Pepper running after him. “Tony?!” She called out. “Tony? What are you doing?” 

“I’m sorry Pep but you’re going to have to take the jet back to New York by yourself,” Tony replied, getting into his Iron Man armor. “I’m taking the suit back. It’s faster.” 

_Don't worry kids, I'm coming._

* * *

It was a long and excruciating flight back to New York. Tony’s mind was racing with so much unsolved questions. 

_What the hell happened? How did Bruce hulk out? Did he get hurt? What if one of the kids got hurt?_

He tried to shake off such horrid thoughts, focusing on piloting back to the others.

Tony tried to make his thrusters go faster once the view of the tower came into his line of vision. Nope, didn’t budge. Looks like he knew what he was gonna work on first once he got access to the lab again.

He flew towards the landing pad and quickly got out of his suit, taking a deep, shaky breath before making his way into the penthouse. 

The whole floor was ruined. 

Debris and rubble practically littered the area, most of the marble tiling having cracked into shattered pieces. Both the walls and ceiling were demolished with big, gaping holes and fractures that mutilated the expensive structure, exposing much of the inner framing. The tv was smashed, furniture torn into bits, and specks of blood scattered around the area of the once white rug.

Tony was gonna be sick.

A voice piped up from behind him. "It's not any of the kids' blood, don't worry." Tony turned on his heel, gaping at the sight of Coulson. 

The agent managed a small smile despite despite a badly swollen, cut lip. The once clean, pristine suit he saw earlier that day now torn and covered in debris. His forehead housed a huge, nasty gash and the exposed parts of flesh displayed multiple bruises that would probably take weeks to heal.

“Holy shit...Coulson, you _— ”_

"None of the kids got hurt. I called SHIELD and got a team to help me calm down the Hulk. It... wasn't a pretty sight. Luckily, there wasn’t too much collateral damage. The kids also weren't around to watch the whole thing. Hill and other agents got them safely off the floor." 

“T-The blood— ” 

Coulson winced as he tried to gesture to the rug. “It’s mine. Bruce de-hulked sometime in the middle of the situation, but passed out under part of the ceiling that was about to collapse. I took the damage for him.”

Tony just eyed him with remorse, feeling terribly bad for the agent.

Coulson chuckled, shaking his head. “I told you, I’ll have it all under control. I take my job seriously, as you’ve noticed, and the task you gave me today was taking care of your ‘babies’.” 

The brunette just stared at the man, before managing a small grin of his own. “I guess I did.” He reached over and gently pulled the agent into a hug, mindful of his injuries. He felt Coulson tense at the sudden gesture, but then slowly relaxed and reciprocated it. "Thank you."

Coulson nodded, patting the other man the back. "You're welcome."

They quickly broke apart and Tony couldn't help but ask, "Where's the kids?" The agent pointed towards the elevator.

"Their bedroom with Hill. Our initial plan was taking them to HQ, but they refused to go unless their 'uncle Tony' was there."

Tony laughed, shaking his head fondly. "Thanks, agent." He patted him on the shoulder before jogging to the elevator (thank god it was still in working condition) and pressing the button taking him to his private floor. Having arrived, he hesitantly called out,

“Kids?”

A stampede of tiny footsteps were heard, and Tony didn’t have time to brace himself as he was tackled to the ground by the children, all expressing their joy in seeing him. The brunette laughed, relief rushing to his bones as he stared at their beaming faces. All of them unharmed. 

He pulled them in closer, murmuring. “You’re all okay…”

Agent Hill was the last to arrive to the living space, greeting the man with a small smile. "Good to see you, Stark. Don't worry, they’re fine." Tony nodded in greeting.

"Thanks for watching them. Uh, is Bruce—”

“He’s downstairs with the SHIELD agents. We brought in one of our doctors to tend for injuries, and I just got notified that she’s checking up on Banner right now.” 

The kids stiffened at the mention of the boy’s name. Tony eyed them warily at that.

"Uncle Tony…" Steve started first, "Why is Bruce like that?" 

Hill started walking back towards the playroom, nodding to Tony. “I’ll give you some alone time.” 

Tony sighed as he sat down on the floor, having the kids circle around him. "Alright kids, gather round. It's story time." Once they all got settled, Tony started to explain the situation in a more whimsical, less intense way. "So squirts, what’s something that villains and superheroes have in common?”

Thor looked at him, disgruntled. “They have something in _common_?” 

Natasha answered. “Powers.”

Tony reached over and tapped her on the nose, making her giggle. “Good job, princess. Powers. Depending on who you are, people with powers tend to use it however they see fit. For heroes, they use it to help others. For villains, they use it to hurt others.”

Loki’s eyes widened as he jumped to conclusions. "B-Bruce...is he…” 

“You didn’t let me finish, Lok-Lok.” Tony chastised him gently, before pulling the smaller god into his lap. “Heroes also use their powers to protect themselves. Villains too, in a sense, but heroes use their powers when they get attacked or threatened. Villains are usually the ones that attack first. Now, does anyone want to tell me what led up to Bruce having to use his powers? I should’ve mentioned this before, but Bruce tends to use it when someone makes him angry.”

Suddenly, the kids all turned their gaze to Clint. 

Tony should’ve seen this coming.

“Clint, is there something you want to tell me?” 

Clint fidgeted under the intense stares, pointedly staring at anything that wasn’t uncle Tony’s face. “I-I’m sorry, uncle Tony. I was just... teasing him a little.” 

Steve frowned at that. “Nu uh, Clint. You were _bullying_ him. You stole Bruce’s blanket, hit him on the head with a pillow, and kept pushing him down.” Loki gasped.

“Bruce had to use his powers to protect himself!” 

The other boy was close to bursting into tears.

Tony sighed. “Clint. I don’t condone that kind of rough-housing in this house, you hear me? I’m not angry, but I won’t be as forgiving if this happens again. Just don't do it anymore, okay?" He smiled as Clint rubbed at his eyes, nodding his head. Hill came back into the room, phone at hand.

“Bruce is finished with his check-up. Want me to stay while you head down there?”

“Please.” Tony stood Loki up again as he got up from the floor, and was about to race back into the elevator when Steve stopped him. 

“Wait, uncle.” Steve and the others all shared looks at one another, before turning back to Tony. “Can you please tell Bruce that we miss him? And that we’re all waiting for him with big, warm hugs!” 

Clint also mustered up the courage to speak. “A-and also that I’m sorry, f-for being such a villain today.” Tony just stared at the kids affectionately, and couldn’t help but reach over to ruffle Clint’s hair. 

“I’m sure Bruce will be happy to know that. And lesson learned, kids, we don’t make Bruce angry.”

* * *

Tony felt jitters as he got down to the tower’s lobby, the floor already bustling with SHIELD agents. There were a few injuries he happened to notice on some of them, but felt overall relieved that none were in fact critical. He searched until he spotted Bruce, sitting in the corner of the crowded lobby and wrapped in a blanket. He was shivering. 

The agent watching over Bruce noticed Tony, and with a nod left to give the two some privacy. Bruce looked up at Tony, eyes widening in fear. Before Tony could even open his mouth, Bruce shakily asked,

“A-are you gonna hit me, uncle?” 

Tony felt a knife twist in his stomach. "No, Bruce, of course not. I will _never_ lay a bad hand on you.” Bruce just curled into himself more. “Bruce, you're not a bad person. We know you didn't mean to. The others understand that.” He glanced at the tight fist Bruce was making, frowning. "Bruce, are you holding something?"

The younger boy just sobbed, slowly uncurling his fist to show the necklace Tony gave him this morning _—_ the pendant damaged and chain broken. Bruce looked so distraught. "I-I didn't...I didn't keep it safe i'm sorry _—"_ The brunette just shook his head, reaching over to hold his hand and squeeze it comfortingly.

"I'm not mad. I'd rather that necklace get damaged than you. I'm so glad you're okay. Look, the necklace might be gone but your uncle Tony's still here. He'll always be right here." 

Bruce sniffled. “D-do the others hate me? Are they scared? I don’t want them to be scared of me, uncle.”

“They don't hate you, I promise you that. They told me to tell you that they miss you, and that they’re all waiting with warm hugs. Clint also said he’s sorry for being such a villain." Tony moved over to sit next to him. 

Bruce let out a shaky breath. “Clint isn't a villain, I am. I hurt so many people, uncle...I’m a monster. You should hate me, you have to!”

Tony wrapped his arms around the small boy protectively, vehemently denying the boy’s accusations as he buried his nose into his hair. "No, no, no, no. _No._ You hear me? I will never hate you." He felt Bruce's tears drip onto his shirt, but he didn't care. “You’re not a monster, Bruce, you’re my kid and I love you.” He felt his own salty tears run down his cheeks. “All you kids... are heroes. My heroes.”

He gained a new insight on the baby fiasco. So he didn’t get a second chance at childhood like the others. Big whoop. 

Tony was gonna be the father that he never had, for them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of angst in this one, i'm afraid. it won't be too bad in the next chapter! also idk if anyone's confused about the layout of the tower but like the place where bruce hulked out in was the penthouse that became the avengers' communal floor (basically a living room that everyone can go into no one lives there)
> 
> tony's living space is a few floors before that and that's where the kids have their room + playroom 
> 
> coulson took them to the communal floor for the day because its the floor with the biggest room to for them to run around in (and has the biggest tv oop)


	8. I Love You, Steve!

" _Tony.”_

_The said man turned, both at the sound of his name_ — _and the man whose raspy voice it came from. He_ _blinked up at the team’s captain, puzzled. "Cap?"_

_Steve towered over him, face unreadable. Tony was getting nervous, feeling so exposed under the intense gaze. He didn’t even realize that he was getting backed up into a wall until he felt his backside hit the cool solid._

_“Listen cap,” Tony coughed after a moment of tense silence, gesturing to his newly modified suit in the corner. "Make whatever you came in for quick, I got work to do."_

_The man just tilted his head, and in one swift movement reeled in Tony by the waist until their fronts were pressed flush against one another._

_Tony yelped in surprise, eyes as big as saucers. The captain held his gaze steady, a smirk forming between his lips. Slowly he let his hands wander, traveling from his waist and downwards until he was able to slide his hands into the smaller man’s back pockets. He gave an experimental squeeze, a deep chuckle rumbling from his chest at hearing the genius gasp and lean into his touch._

_“S-Steve...what—”_

_Steve leaned down to murmur in his ear, and Tony’s whole body shuddered at feeling the man’s hot breath panting into his ear._

_"You drive me so wild, Stark." The brunette groaned when he felt a sharp nip to his ear, the spot stinging. "And you’re going to make up for that. I see it as two options: either you're going to be mine_ — _”_

_Steve turned his gaze back to stare into hues of a rich, earthy brown, while Tony couldn’t help but get lost in deep pools of blue._

_"_ — _Or I'll make you."_

_Tony’s breath hitched as the taller man slammed him against the wall, hoisting him up by the thighs. Instinctively did the brunette wrap his legs around the man’s torso, going pliant in his hold. His mind stopped functioning when moist lips crashed into his, and slowly did he allow himself to relax and bring the man closer, arms encircling the captain’s neck. Their tongues feverishly danced against one another, the blonde taking his time exploring the other’s cavern while the brunette just hummed into his partner’s mouth. They succumbed to their desires as they melted into one another._

_Oh yeah, they needed air._

_The couple pulled away, trying to catch their breaths, before Steve bent down to suck a deep bruise to the brunette’s neck and mark him._

_“Steve…” Tony moaned, gripping the blonde’s hair tight. “Steve…”_

"Steve..." Tony mumbled, his drool staining the silk pillowcase as he unconsciously buried his face into it.

JARVIS pulled his creator out of his deep slumber. “Sir, it’s time to wake up.”

The man jolted awake, bleary eyes dazed as they wandered around the room, trying to adjust to the bright rays of the morning sun peeking through the curtains. His chest was heaving, and he mindlessly wiped the drool off his face with the back of his hand. “The actual fuck…”

“The kids are awake and requesting food. Shall I order breakfast?”

Tony slowly sat up, blinking. 

“Sir?”

Tony startled at that. “H-huh? Oh yeah, sure, knock yourself out J. By the way, can you order breakfast?”

“....Of course, sir.” 

The brunette forced himself out of bed, yawning as he stretched his tense limbs. He shifted a little, grimacing. He looked down.

Great. He had to change his pajama pants. 

* * *

“...Uncle Tony?”

Tony blinked. 

Steve tilted his head, furrowing his eyebrows at his uncle who seemed rather...off, this morning. The brunette, meanwhile, tried not to make direct eye contact with the young blonde as he focused his attention to Thor. 

“More pop-tarts, padawan?”

The demigod nodded frantically, shoving his plate towards the older man. “My name is Thor, but yes!” 

“I’d like another one, too, please.” Steve spoke up, shyly staring at his uncle with a quirked lip. 

Tony just gulped, nodding as he reached for his plate as well.

Look, let’s get one fact straight (because he sure wasn’t). Tony is _not_ a pedophile. He does not look at Steve’s tiny, four year old boy body and frantically succumb to deep, disturbing urges of having his dirty way with him. That’s _disgusting._ Steve, as of now, is his pseudo nephew and any hand he lays on the boy is affectionately innocent and familial. Okay? Okay.

Adult Steve, however— 

Let’s just say this wasn’t Tony’s first indulgent fantasy of the Captain. What? He jerked off to a poster of him once when he was sixteen. Things tend to stick around. 

It’s just that it’s different now. Before, Captain America was a faceless hero, a national icon. The only knowledge he had on the late WWII soldier was public information accessed through databases and stories he got from aunt Pegs and his uncle Commandos. 

Now he happens to know the man behind the mask, and so far that man doesn’t hold high opinions of him. 

_“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”_

So, Tony did what he always does best: hide his deep and utter disappointment of being rejected by his childhood hero through his snark and wit. He did it all the time. It was fine if one of his overzealous comments pissed off the captain— as long as the man felt something towards him. 

Even if it was hate. 

Plus, it made it easier for Tony to detach himself from any wishful thinking, like Steve returning his crush. It was fine. 

Then their whole dynamic had to change after the baby fiasco. 

In summary, de-aged Steve Rogers is more affectionate, more open, more kind. He’s indulgent on his childlike wonder and not yet exposed to the burdens of grief and loss like his adult counterpart is. Plus, he’s just so goddamn nice. And clingy. Which makes it harder for Tony to detach himself from the boy. And right now, he kinda needs to—

— being as this small, little blonde grows up to be his _wet dream_. Tony shuddered violently, deeply disturbed by the thought.

He sighed, running a hand through the strands of his unkempt bed hair. "I need to get laid.”

“Hmm?” Clint popped another piece of bacon into his mouth. “Like in bed? Are you gonna go take a nap, uncle?”

“I’d sure hope not,” a deep voice trailed into the kitchen. “I just got here.” 

The kids perked up at the sight of Clark, his bulky frame stepping out of the elevator and into the floor, as he greeted them with a gentle smile. 

Tony just clicked his tongue. “You come in here without a warning?”

“You didn’t read the fine print.” The kryptonian quipped back, smirking. Another presence made themselves known as they walked in not a moment after, their eyes immediately locking with the resident genius. 

The brunette beamed. “Sour patch!” 

Rhodey sighed and crossed his arms, side-eyeing Clark. “You see what I have to deal with? You should’ve ran for it when you had the chance.” 

Tony walked over to the two gentlemen, pulling them both into an embrace. “I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear that.” Clark reciprocated the embrace easily, wrapping a hand around his waist while his chin rested atop the brunette’s hairline. Rhodey just lazily patted his back and was the first to break their hug fest. 

“Who’s he?” 

The three adults turned towards the table to greet the stares of wide-eyed, curious kids all staring at the new stranger. 

Rhodey turned to Tony. “Oh god, they’re actually real.” 

Tony snorted and clapped him on the shoulder, guiding his best friend to the kitchen table for a more formal introduction. “Kiddos, here’s another friend of mine that I’d want you to meet. His name’s Rhodey.”

Rhodey gave a small wave, smiling softly. “Hey, underoos.” 

The kids blinked, and then immediately started to attack him with questions. Rhodey’s face contorted from easy-going to weary, no doubt overwhelmed at the attention. Tony turned back to Clark, about to make a joke, but stopped himself at the sight of the other man’s inquiring look. 

“What?” 

Clark frowned, leaning down to make their conversation a bit more private. “Are you and the others okay after the hulk incident? How’s Bruce?” He nodded his head towards the said boy.

“Okay first of all, we’re fine now thank you for asking. Your concern is highly appreciated. Second of all, how the hell did you find out? Are you and Pepper networking?” 

Clark just smiled and shrugged, making no move to deny it. 

Tony sighed, then turned back to the others. Rhodey was currently yelling at Clint to get off him as said boy was currently climbing him like a tree, trying to shake the tiny body off to no avail. The others laughed in glee, while Thor shouted to Clint that he was next. 

The two other adults were watching the scene unfold in silence. 

Clark pursed his lips. “Gonna help him anytime soon?”

A beat. “Nah.” 

* * *

“Wow,” Was the first thing Rhodey said once Tony went and told him the gist of what’s been going on these past few months. “Never a dull moment in your life, is it?” 

Tony snorted. “Sour patch, you have no idea.”

The three adults were currently lounging around the couches in the living room, their presence only mere feet away from the kids currently making their own fun in the playroom. Tony propped his feet up on the coffee table and leaned his head back, mindful of the glass of chardonnay he still had in his hand. 

Clark watched him, an amused glint in his eyes. “You’re like a wine aunt.”

The brunette just winked, taking another sip. Loki ran into the living room and made a bee-line towards his uncle, crawling up into his lap. 

Rhodey blinked, staring at the mini demigod. “I can never unsee that.” 

“What’s up, Lok-Lok?” 

Loki pouted. “We’re bored, uncle.” 

“EXTREMELY BORED!” Clint yelled from playroom. Tony rolled his eyes. No doubt that they’ve made a plan to butter him up so that they can go out again. He wouldn’t budge. 

Hey, here’s an idea.

“So you’re saying that,” Tony glanced over at Rhodey who was sipping his own glass of wine, unbothered. “You tadpoles wanna go out with Mr. Rhodey? My answer is yes.”

Rhodey choked on his drink. 

The kids cheered, running into the living room and bombarding the colonel who was glaring daggers at the brunette. Loki got out of Tony’s lap to join them, high-fiving Clint. Clark had a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. Rhodey, after awhile, just broke his glare and gave up, standing up from the couch to round the kids up. “Alright, I guess I can take these mini monsters out to, I don’t know, the zoo? You owe me big time, Stark.” 

Tony just gave him a mock salute, setting his glass down as he stood up to say his goodbyes to the rest of the kids. “Do whatever Mr. Rhodes says, or else.” 

They nodded vigorously, ready to bolt. 

Steve went over to Tony and planted a kiss on the man’s cheek, wearing a dopey smile. “Bye, uncle Tones!” 

Rhodey raised an eyebrow at that. 

Tony coughed, fighting down a blush. “Yeah, be safe— the lot of you.” Rhodey nodded and took the kids into the elevator, looking less perplexed. It seems he was getting accustomed to their presence. As soon as the elevators shut, Tony fell to the couch with a groan, flinging an arm over his face.

Clark decided to speak first. “So, the kids seem pretty attached to you, Steve especially.” 

Tony sat up, sliding a palm down his face. “ _That’s_ the problem.” Clark made his way over to Tony’s couch, plopping himself next to the genius. He mindlessly went to grip the back of the man’s neck, massaging away his tense muscles. Tony slumped, slowly going pliant in the stronger man’s hold.

“I won’t pry if you don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be here for whatever you need me for.” 

“No, no… I think I need to talk about it.” Tony sighed. “This morning I woke up from a wet dream about Steve. Adult Steve, in his Captain America-esqe glory.” 

Clark hummed, sort of getting an understanding. “Well, I guess that makes it a little awkward for you to interact with Steve then.” Tony leaned backwards, practically sprawling across the man’s lap as he stared up to meet baby blue eyes. 

“Yeah, it was easier when the man hated my guts.” Clark frowned at that. 

“I don’t think he hated you, Tones. Maybe he was just unsettled by your eccentric tendencies.”

Tony glared. “So… hate.” 

“Nope.” Clark popped the ‘p’. “I was a bit unsettled at first, too, but you grew on me. And sometimes, even under me.” Tony tipped his head back, laughing. Clark grinned at him fondly, watching the man’s eyes crinkle. 

“God, I missed you. You always managed to keep a smile on my face.” Tony finally said after he calmed down, staring softly into the other’s eyes. Clark practically preened from the praise. 

“Same with you.” 

Tony suddenly gulped, taking the risk.

“...What else did you miss about me?”

* * *

Tony gasped once his back hit the bed, instinctively arching up into the man’s touch. Clark hovered over him, nipping lightly at the brunette’s bottom lip, grinning when the smaller man just trembled underneath him.

“W-We really...doing this?” Tony panted, a small whimper escaping his lips when the other man bent down to suck a bruise into the junction where neck met shoulder. He clutched at the man’s (impossibly large, holy shit) bicep and tilted his head to give him more access, using the other hand to run it through dark locks. God, Clark still knew his sweet spots. 

Clark paused his ministrations, looking up to stare intently into the brunette’s irises, face contorted. He looked disheveled. “I...If you’re having doubts about this, I can stop. I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” 

Tony bit his lip, staring into impossibly bright blue. 

They were like staring into a clear sky on a summer’s day— nothing like those deep pools that seemed to always haunt his dreams and drown him. 

“Tones?”

“...C’mon. Before the kids get back.”

* * *

Rhodey glared. 

Clark and Tony stood in front of him, both pointedly avoiding his stare. It did nothing to hide the litter of hickies on Tony’s neck and light scratches that ran down Clark’s arms, though. 

“Do I even want to know?” 

They shook their head.

“Uncle Tony!” 

Tony perked up at that, making his way over to the kids. He kneeled down, spreading his arms wide as the kids ran into his embrace. He laughed, squeezing to bring them closer. “I missed you munchkins.”

Rhodey and Clark watched the scene with soft smiles. 

Natasha spoke up first. “Mr. Rhodey took us to see penguins, and elephants, and butterflies, and—” 

Thor cut her off. “And lions!” He mimicked a roar, the others giggling at the display. 

Tony shook his head fondly, standing up as he put his hands on his hips. “Alright, Simba, you and the other cubs have to get ready for bed now.” He ignored the unison of groans. “Don’t give me that, a famous song even said that ‘the lion sleeps tonight’.” 

He snorted at his own joke. 

“C’mon, to the bedroom.” He pointed down the hallway and watched as the kids all raced over there, still buzzing with energy. He startled when he felt a clasp on his shoulder. 

“Listen, as much fun as I had with the kids, I don’t think I want to be part of your guys’ ploy to roll around in bed again.”

Clark coughed, blushing. “I-It wasn’t like that, Rhodey. We didn’t plan it.” 

Rhodey raised an eyebrow, unamused. “What, so you tripped and accidentally slipped your di—”

“Okay!” Tony clapped his hands, looking between the two. “I guess that’s all the time we have to hang out today. Thanks for taking the tadpoles off my hands for a bit, honeybear, you’re a godsend. Clark, thanks for keeping me, uh, company.” 

“ _Good_ company.” Rhodey mumbled, and Clark had the decency to look sheepish. Tony just blushed and walked them over to the elevator. 

Rhodey walked in first, then halted Clark from coming inside. “Take the next one down. I’ll let you guys have a moment.” He smirked. “Sorry it won’t be as long as earlier’s, though.” The two blushed as the elevator doors closed, leaving them in tense silence.

“Um,” Clark awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck. “I… I guess I’ll see you another day?” 

Tony bit his lip, then leaned up on his tip-toes to plant a chaste kiss to the other’s lips. “Yeah. See you soon, superman.” 

Clark blinked, then shyly returned a grin, waving as he stepped into the elevator. Tony watched him go, smiling softly. He froze at the small tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he found himself staring into deep pools of blue eyes. 

Steve frowned, looking dejected. No doubt he caught wind of the display between him and Clark. 

“I… I was just giving Mr. Clark a ‘be safe’ kiss.” Tony didn’t know why he was trying to hard to make an excuse. 

Steve didn’t look any different at that, seemingly more gloom. He nodded, letting go of the pant leg and trudging himself back to the others. 

Tony watched him leave with a heavy heart.

Eventually, he willed his legs to start moving and walked in the direction the younger boy left in, heading to the kids’ bedroom. The rest of them were occupied with mindless chatter as they changed into their pjs, but Tony could only focus on the young blonde already sitting in bed, silently waiting for the others to get settled. 

“Hey kids,” Tony called to their attention. “Lights out soon okay? Sleep tight.” 

“Goodnight, uncle Tony!”

“Night.”

“Goodnight! Sleep dreams.” 

“Night night.”

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”

“...goodnight.” 

Tony faked a smile, slowly closing the door behind him. 

* * *

The resident genius rolled around in bed, struggling to fall asleep. He huffed, staring at the ceiling with contempt.

"The hell’s wrong with me..." He complained to no one but himself, then rolled over again to stuff his face into the pillow.

He suddenly raised his head at the sound of a soft knock coming from his door. Tony raised his eyebrow. "Uh, come in."

Tony startled at the sight of Steve, his eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying. "Steve? What’s wrong?" The blonde just sniffled, his grip still tight on the door handle. The brunette sat up immediately and opened his arms, gesturing for the boy to run into them. Steve finally moved, frantically climbing up the bed and into his open embrace, wrapping his tiny arms around his torso. Tony rubbed the other’s back comfortingly as Steve buried his face into his abdomen, staining the shirt with tears. 

The brunette shook him gently, deeply concerned. "Stevie, what's wrong?" He waited patiently (and yet anxiously) as Steve’s soft cries died down.

After a while, Steve slowly detached himself from his uncle and rubbed at his runny nose, looking ashamed. "I’m sorry, uncle. I had a bad dream."

Tony relaxed a little at that. Nothing too dire, then. “A nightmare, huh? Do you mind telling me about it?” 

The blonde slowly nodded. "Okay... s-so, we were at the park eating sweets… and then, all of a sudden, y-you were being hurt by bad guys. A-and we couldn't do anything. Not even Bruce!" He exclaimed, looking up at his uncle with teary eyes. "Then you d-died, and your flashlight stopped glowing.” Steve’s tiny fingers slowly trailed across the casing of his arc reactor, frowning. "Uncle, what does the flashlight do?"

Tony tapped at his arc reactor, humming. "This flashlight keeps me alive, bud.” 

Steve gasped in astonishment. "H-how?"

“It, uh, keeps sharp things from going into my heart."

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, looking like he wanted to question him further, but decided to let it go. "No wonder you d-died when it stopped glowing..." He wiped at his eyes. "Uncle, I don’t want you to leave us.” He bit his lip to fight another sob bubbling from his throat, tears running down his face.

Tony sighed fondly, moving to sit the smaller boy on his lap. He reached up and wiped his tears, before lightly pinching his cheek. "Stevie, I promise, I’ll never leave you guys. As long as my 'flashlight' glows, I'll stick around til’ you’re all sick of me." He smiled at the small giggle he got from that, then leaned in to plant a soft kiss to the boy’s temple. 

Steve reached over and circled his arms around Tony, burying his face into the crook of his neck. "I’m sorry I bothered you, uncle Tony.” Tony smiled, shaking his head.

“No need to apologize, Stevieboy. Thank you guys so much for being in my life.” The two swayed in a warm embrace for awhile, before Steve pulled back suddenly, a frown on his features. 

“Did Mr. Clark hurt you?”

Tony startled back, eyes widening. “C-Clark? No, why would you—”

Steve just pointed at a bite-mark on his shoulder that was visible with the bed shirt Tony was wearing. It also didn’t manage to hide the numerous hickies that trailed down his neck (and downwards, oops). Tony coughed, suddenly embarrassed. 

“No, no— it’s not like that, Stevie. Me and Mr. Clark were just…. wrestling.”

Wow Stark, nice choice of words you got there. 

Steve slumped, back to his somber mood from earlier. “Do you and Mr. Clark like each other?" His voice sounded so small. 

Tony paused, wondering how to answer that. 

“I-I...I like Mr. Clark, he’s someone who’s really close to me.” Tony bit his lip. “I like Mr. Rhodey, too. He’s my best friend. And aunt Pepper, she’s always looking out for me. I’ll never tell him aloud, but Mr. Phil pretty cool, too. While we’re at it, I also happen to like Thor and Natasha and Loki and Clint and Bruce and—”

He looked into wide blue eyes, his smile gentle.

“— I also really like you too, Steve.”

Steve looked down, suddenly shy. 

"Can I stay here with you tonight, uncle Tones?" Steve suddenly asked, looking up at him with pleading eyes. 

Tony gulped. "Is there a reason why?"

"I just wanna…. make sure the flashlight doesn't go off." 

Tony was speechless for a moment, before sighing. A heart of gold, that boy. It was a good thing he changed his bedsheets. "Sure thing, bud." He laid back down, pulling Steve close to his chest. 

"Nighty night, soldier."

He felt Steve's small fingertips travel faintly across the arc reactor, then covered it with his hand in a protective matter. Tony closed his eyes, humming slightly.

"Uncle..." Steve called, breaking the silence. "Thank you for letting me stay. I love you… a lot, and I don't know what I'd ever do without you."

Tony felt tears sting his eyes. "I love you, too, my little soldier. Never forget that." He pulled him closer. The next few minutes were met with comfortable silence.

Steve murmured something that Tony couldn't quite make out. "What was that, Steve?" 

“Can you… sing me to sleep? Please?" Steve asked with hope.

Tony hesitated for a moment.

_“Mama?”_

_Maria turned her head, gazing down softly at her son tucked tightly in bed. “Yes, my little bambino?”_

_Tony stared up at her with big, brown pleading eyes. “Can you sing me to sleep? Please?” Maria only laughed, nodding. The light from the bedside lamp illuminated her sharp features, making her eyes tint a bright amber._

_Mama was so beautiful._

_“Of course I will.”_

_She settled in right beside her son, stroking his soft brown locks affectionately. Tony slowly fell into a deep slumber as he let his mama’s soothing voice wash over them, feeling content and safe in her arms._

"...Alright."

That night, as Tony stroked Steve's soft blond hair while singing him to sleep, he forgot all about the world. All he focused on right now was this very moment, a moment he didn’t think he’d ever get to experience again— this time as his mother. He let his voice trail across the dark room, and smiled when he saw Steve's eyes droop as he let himself fall into a deep sleep.

_“_ _Christopher Robin and I walked along_

_Under branches lit up by the moon,”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo i finished all these kiddies' individual chapters before i go back to school IM PUMPED
> 
> thanks for such lovely comments, you guys! I feel so happy reading them, they really make my day :D 
> 
> this chapter was a little frisky, i'd say. should i change the rating? I mean, i'm not planning on actually writing smut in this story. At all. maybe i should put a tag at least for implied sexual content? sorry if that was a surprise (i dont know if i even wrote it all that good lol) 
> 
> hope you all enjoyed!


	9. I Love You, My Everyones

"Quit it, Clint!"

"Make me!"

"Guys, stop!"

“God, Tony has got to start paying me to babysit you bitsy-boos.”

"SHH! I hear him!"

"He's coming!"

Tony strolled out of the elevator, too preoccupied with his phone to take notice of the eerie silence of the living space. He whistled a low tune as he raised his other arm to set the bag of groceries on the kitchen counter, mindlessly grabbing for the bag of chips. He smiled as his phone pinged another notification. 

_Pepper: Was Rhodey lying or is Tark back together? (;_

The brunette scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Honestly, she makes the worst ship names. Clony obviously sounds way better.” He set his phone down and looked up, letting his eyes roam around the empty room. Weird. 

“Kids? Rhodey?”

The air was still. 

Tony furrowed his eyebrows as he stepped out into the living room. “The hell is everyo—” 

The brunette cut himself off with a screech as the kids jumped out of their hiding places, all tackling him to the ground in an eruption of giggles. He felt his grip on the bag of chips loosened until it was promptly yanked out of his hand. 

“Ugh, conniving and thieving,” Tony looked up at them with a proud glint in his eyes. “I’ve taught you well.” 

Rhodey snorted as he watched the group of kids slowly pick themselves off of the disheveled brunette, and only winked when Tony turned to narrow his eyes at him. “Don’t look at me— look at tweety bird. He has your Doritos.” 

Tony whipped his head to stare at Clint. The younger boy only met his gaze with a challenging grin as he mockingly swung the bag of chips in front of his face. 

“Alright, fledgling, hand over the Doritos.” 

“What if I don’t?” 

Tony smirked. “So that’ll be a maggot hors d'oeuvres for one later, then?” 

Clint paled in disgust, throwing the bag of chips at his uncle. Bruce frowned, tilting his head at the other kid.

“Do you even know what a h-hor durve is?” 

“Nope.” Clint answered immediately. “But I do know what maggots are, and it’s _yuck_.”

Thor guffawed at the two, shaking his head. “Do you really believe uncle would feed us insects?” Tony raised an eyebrow at that.

“Oh? So you don’t know what’s the secret ingredient in your pop-tarts?” 

The look on the demigod’s face was priceless.

The others giggled at the banter before all crowding in on the brunette, asking what he went to go buy. Tony smiled and reached to ruffle the heads closest to him. “I went to buy ingredients for a recipe courtesy of my dear mama— lasagna.” He turned to Rhodey. “You staying for dinner?”

Rhodey shook his head. “Sorry, man. I got plans with my parents tonight.” He went to bring his friend into a side hug. “Save some lasagna for me?” 

“I’ll try, but that seems a bit futile with that demigod’s appetite.” Tony patted him on the back. “Thanks for babysitting, honeybear, say hi to mama and papa Rhodes for me.” 

The man just waved him off. “Will do. Bye bitsy-boos, we’ll hang out next time.” 

Tony watched as Rhodey departed from the floor and into the elevator, before turning back to the other kids with a stern look on his face. “Don’t think I’m letting you imps off the hook for pulling a stunt like that. I could have gotten seriously injured. What do you have to say for yourselves?” 

The other kids looked down at that, crestfallen.

“....”

It only took 0.5 seconds for Tony to break out of his cold exterior as he doubled over in laughter. “You should’ve seen your faces! Like I’d get mad at a thing like that. What’d you take me for? A responsible guardian? C’mon, let’s snack on enough Doritos to throw up before dinner.” And with that he plopped himself onto the couch, the others following suit.

Loki ran over first, climbing his way up Tony’s lap and snuggling himself close to his chest, his ear right next to the whirring of the arc reactor. Steve pouted, wanting Loki’s spot, but made no protest as he settled himself next to the man and pressed close to his right side. Bruce moved in to sit on Tony’s left, looking up with a sheepish smile. Natasha sat beside Steve, her back laid against the armrest, and narrowed her eyes at Clint who apparently climbed to the top of the couch, perching himself next to Tony's head. Thor, the drama queen, plopped himself right onto the floor by Tony’s feet, arms crossed as he eyed the brunette impatiently. 

Tony snorted. “Let’s dig in, little monsters.” 

The kids cheered as the bag of chips opened, and Tony waited patiently for the others take a grab at it first. 

“That’s a whole handful, Thor!” 

“You’re lucky I didn’t use both hands!” 

“Loki, there’s crumbs on your shirt.”

“Aww, i’m all messy now.” 

“Steve, did you want more?”

“I will after uncle Tony takes some.”

Tony couldn’t help but grin at their small chatter, eyeing the others with so much warmth.

It’s scary, how fond he’s become of these youngsters— which was more than he’d actually meant to.

At first, all he was required to do was watch over them while SHIELD worked on a solution. Feed them, wash them, clothe them. No big deal. 

He didn’t know exactly when he started looking forward to mornings, where he’d hear the others running down the hallway and already buzzing with energy. Or whenever they would barge into his free time, pestering him to stop working and play with them. Even hearing the small, excited shouts of “uncle Tony!” whenever he arrived at the tower after a shit storm of a day proved to be a better antidote than alcohol. 

Small moments like these, however, were what Tony looked forward to most, already surpassing his love for partying and even working down in the lab (I know, crazy right?). It brought a warmth to his chest, indulging himself in domesticity like this. 

Just hanging around with his …’family’.

Tomorrow marks ten months exactly since that fateful day he ended up with super enhanced toddlers in his hands. Thankfully, there also hasn’t been a threat since then Iron Man couldn’t face alone (thank god). SHIELD was still working on turning them back, though did not yield any results. 

There might be a slim chance he’d have to raise them as his own for good.

He was...surprisingly okay with that? 

Look, he knew he wasn’t close chums with the Avengers prior to the change. He’d say he was the closest with Bruce, and even then all they talked about was science. I mean, what kind of friendship only discusses about the wavelengths of gamma radiation? 

Clint was a hard one to crack. They exchanged in small talks and polite nods every now and then, but really made no move to communicate unless in the same vicinity (and that was maybe once in a blue moon given that man’s track record with traveling via vents). Occasionally, he’d laughed at some of his jokes, but more often than not did he fail to miss an eye-roll or scoff to his antics. 

Natasha, you guessed it, loathed him. He’d eye her hand twitching whenever he slipped her a flirt, no doubt restraining herself from breaking his neck. Tony could still recall the SHIELD report she made on him. _Iron Man Yes, Tony Stark...Not Recommended._ He couldn't blame her.

Thor was friendly, and overly optimistic. Like a golden retriever. But even Tony knew that the demigod could be a little irritated at his actions. 

Loki, well, he was never close to that little shit. He's still pissed off over the rooftop incident.

Steve wasn't ... overly fond of him. Okay, he won’t sugarcoat it. The man hated his guts. And what for? Whether if it was him being too annoying and self centered, or how he acted so full of himself. He honestly didn't know. 

Tony hoped Steve didn’t hold a prejudice against him and expected him to be just like Howard. 

He hated being compared to his father. He never even considered the man as a father. 

“Uncle Tony?”

Tony snapped out of his train of thought, his gaze going back to the young blonde’s inquiring look. Steve held out the bag of doritos, tilting his head. “Did you want some chips?”

The brunette slumped, realizing that his wandering thoughts made his muscles tense. He smiled, reaching into the bag. “Thanks, Stevie.”

Thor perked up. “He grabbed some! Now let me have seconds!”

Yeah. He’d be fine raising them.

* * *

Tony laughed at Natasha’s attempts of flattening out the pasta dough, the rolling pin slipping off the board for the sixth time. 

“Here princess, let’s make this a teamwork.” 

He got behind the redhead and held his hands atop hers, guiding her through the process. “There. See?”

Natasha smiled up at the brunette, nodding. “Thanks, uncle.” 

He bent down to kiss the crown of her head, smiling into her hair. “I should thank you. I’m really glad you all offered to help me with dinner.” He turned his head to check on the others. “Everyone else doing okay?”

Steve gave him a thumbs up from where he stood atop a stool, stirring the pot of sauce on the stovetop diligently. 

Loki was beside him, too absorbed in his work of mixing the ricotta cheese that he didn’t take notice of their uncle. 

Bruce just smiled, sitting on the other side of the counter, grating mozzarella with a kid-friendly rotary grater. 

Clint and Thor were at the center of the kitchen, arguing over the measurement of olive oil. 

Tony sighed fondly and shook his head. “Now I know how Jarvis felt when he raised me.” 

Natasha perked up. “Mr. Jarvis? Like from the ceiling?” 

The brunette chuckled, shaking his head. “Not quite. Ceiling Jarvis is actually named after a Jarvis I knew when I was your guys’ age. He took care of me growing up.” 

The double trouble stopped their squabble at that. Even Loki managed to look up. 

“Can you tell us about your childhood?” Steve couldn’t help but ask.

“Yeah! Please?” Bruce begged, something he hardly ever resorted to. 

Tony frowned, looking at the others’ expectant faces. He shrugged. What harm could it do? 

“Sure. Where do you want me to start?”

Clint spoke up. “Were you bad?”

Tony snorted. “Yeah, even worse than you and Thor combined sometimes. I gave Mr. Jarvis a headache.” 

The others laughed at the said boys’ guilty grins at that. Natasha went to ask a question of her own.

“Did you know your mom and dad?” Tony’s smiled dimmed. 

“Yeah, uh, mama was amazing. She gave me a whole recipe book full of foods I get to cook for you guys. She also taught me how to play piano. And her voice was so beautiful, I begged her to sing me to sleep practically every night.” Tony went glassy-eyed at the memories.

Steve frowned, looking down. “And your dad?” 

Tony’s breath hitched. “M-My father, he… he wasn’t really around in my life. Hardly ever hung out with me. Never told me sweet stuff. It’s okay, I guess, I had plenty of love from everyone else.” 

Loki tilted his head. “Who is ‘everyone else’?” 

“God, where do I start. I did mention mama— she was busy a lot. But, unlike my father, she always made the time to be with me whenever she could. Mr. Jarvis was my care-taker. He baked me so much sweets. You would almost _always_ find him at the kitchen. I used to love helping him with dinner, mostly because he’d sneak me some chocolate chips before he put the rest in the batter. His hot cocoa, by the way, was five stars. His wife, Ana, was also a joy. She’d sit me on her lap and we’d both critique Jarvis as he cooked. He called us ‘distracting’, but we referred to it as ‘constructive criticism’. I had a bunch of uncles as well. They were called the ‘Howling Commandos’. How full of themselves, right? They visited whenever they had the time and I always had something to look forward to. A day at the park, a snowball fight, you name it. With them, you could never sit down and relax.” Tony smiled at the nostalgia of memories, sighing shakily. 

“And of course, my everyone couldn’t be complete without my aunt Peggy.”

The others listened intently, and all managed to carefully set their tasks down before circling in on their uncle. Tony just smiled and turned off the burner for Steve before continuing. 

“I’d like to say that instead of a mom and a dad, I had two moms. Aunt Peggy was more of a parent to me than my father ever was. She’d treat me like I was her own son. Every award show, every competition, every birthday— she’d be there even if everyone else couldn’t. She was just… so loving, so caring.”

Tony could still remember those nights when she’d stay and tell him stories before bedtime. He’d have his head in her lap, eyes closed in content as she ran her fingers affectionately through his hair, humming softly and telling him stories about Captain America. He usually hated listening to people talk, but something about her soothing english accent always made him feel at ease.

_Peggy laughed, brushing some strands of hair away from her nephew's face. "You want to listen to another story?"_

_Tony stared up at her, nodding excitedly. "Yeah! Tell me again about how Cap punched Red Skull in the face. Ooo, and the one where he has to go save Bucky from the clutches of the Hydra soldiers! Wait, I really want to hear about—"_

_His aunt only hummed, teasingly pinching his lips together. "Breathe, Bambi." Tony pouted at that, but burst into giggles once Peggy stroked lightly at his nose._

_"Alright, here's one for you. It's about Captain America— before he ever lived up to the name. Steve Rogers, a scrawny fellow, had the heart of a soldier, so when he went to enlist he...."_

_Tony hummed, slowly drifting off to sleep, letting his aunt's voice wash over him._

Steve pursed his lips. “She sounds really, really special to you uncle.”

Tony laughed. “She was, and still is! Almost all of my everyones are no longer in my life, but she’s still around. I visit her every now and then.” 

The blonde grinned, jumping up and down. “I wanna go next time! Take me, please!” Tony just ruffled his hair, before holding out a pinky and wrapping it tight around the smaller boy’s. 

“I pinky promise, Steve.”

Clint gasped, eyeing the two. “A pinky promise? That’s the most serious promise!” The boy shoved his pinky towards his uncle’s face. “Me too!”

Tony grimaced, pushing the boy’s (oily, ew) hand down. “Instead of a promise, I’ve got a question for the rest of you. How’s dinner going?” 

A moment passed.

Everyone gasped in horror, before scrambling back to their stations. 

Yes, the joys of parenthood. 

* * *

“Wow, I guess the bed can fit all of us.” 

Steve nodded. “See, uncle? I told you!”

Tony just snorted as he watched the kids settled into his California king sized bed. After finishing dinner (he saved a piece for his honeybear despite Thor’s protests) and a few more hours in the playroom, it was time for bed. The kids, however, had a request of their own once bedtime came about.

_Loki tugged on his pant leg, pouting. “We wanna sleep in your bed, uncle Tony!”_

_Tony looked at the others, perplexed. “All of you?”_

_Steve shrugged. “We can fit.” Tony didn’t buy it._

_“Uh huh. Listen, I'll indulge you guys on your request this time. But_ — _as soon as one of you guys slip off the bed_ — _your butts go back in your own. Deal?”_

Always trust a boy scout, Tony figured. The bed really was capable of holding all of them. All the kids were settled underneath the covers now, their bodies having enough individual space that they wouldn’t cramp one another. They even left some space for Tony— smack dab in the middle. 

Tony sighed, accepting his fate. He slowly crawled into bed, careful not to jostle the kids too much, before settling himself between Steve and Loki. He expected the small bodies cuddling into him not long after, and just hummed in content. 

“Okay, you proved me wrong. That almost never happens, but I’ll bite.” 

Natasha giggled, flinging her arm around Steve so that her hand rested atop Tony’s sternum. 

"Uncle Tony… do you ever miss your everyones?" Steve suddenly asked. 

Tony froze.

"I… I do. Most days, I mean. They were all really special to me. But you know what? I make just as many happy memories with you guys. You guys are all really special, too, and have been a blessing in disguise for me.” 

Steve just smashed his face against his chest. “We all love you, uncle.”

"That's right, uncle Tony! We love you to pieces!" Clint piped up from his side on the bed.

Loki nodded. "Clint’s right! We love you so much, uncle." 

Bruce shyly covered the bottom half of his face with the comforters. "We really do." 

"Tis true, uncle! You're lovable!" Thor exclaimed, showing off to Tony his pearly white teeth.

Natasha gave him a small smile. "Yeah, it's true." 

Tony stared up at the ceiling, getting choked up. "And you should all know that I love you just the same, maybe even more. You guys are my everyones." 

The others squished as close as they could and embraced Tony, wrapping him into a big hug. Tony freely let the tears he tried to keep at bay run down his cheeks, and willingly let himself be vulnerable to these group of amazing kids that stole his entire heart.

He hardly ever wished for things, given being a billionaire, but as they drifted off to sleep he just had one plea.

_Please never turn back._

* * *

It was a few hours later when he blinked himself awake, craning his head to look over at the bedside clock. 12am. 

“Where does the time go…” He muttered softly, before slowly untangling himself from the tiny limbs that embraced him. He successfully managed to do so, and once out he stopped to stare at the sleeping faces of all his niece and nephews. 

They all managed to look so precious. Even Clint, despite his snoring. 

He tucked the comforter securely around their small frames and moved to press a light kiss to all their foreheads, before making his way out of the bedroom. 

Stopping by the threshold, he looked back with a grin. “Sleep tight, kids. I love you.” 

And with that, he made his way down to the lab.

* * *

JARVIS sounded panicked. “Sir, I do believe—”

Tony stopped wielding and wiped the sweat off his forehead with his forearm. “Hey J, thanks for breaking me out of my work. I’ve been in here for ages. How’s the weather like today? I’m thinking of taking the kids out, maybe invite Clark if he’s up for it.”

“Sir, I would like to advise that—”

Tony cut him off with a yawn, stretching his limbs. “Maybe I should take a nap first. Are the kids still asleep? I guess we can snooze in today and get a late breakfast.” He took off his gloves and rubbed at his eyes, trudging his way upstairs. 

As he got to the hallway, he could see that the bedroom door was creaked open and that the light from his room was on. The brunette snorted. “They’re awake. Go figure.”

He raised his voice loud enough for the others to hear him.

“Alright, kiddos! How’s about we ditch the Pj’s and head out to the—” Tony stopped as he swung the door open, his steps coming to a halt. 

There, facing him, was the rest of the Avengers, the REAL Avengers, who were all glaring back at him.

“....”

Wow, faith really screwed with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've reached the end of the kids arc, i'm actually rly sad rn :((( but now we can get into the tony harem!! lets get ittttttt
> 
> the updates won't be so constant anymore, btw, and i apologize. i'm back to school and i gotta prioritize (omg that rhymed) 
> 
> i'll try to update quick, though! hopefully once (or twice) a week 
> 
> hope you enjoy!


	10. Preferably Ones That Go 'Boom Boom'

Tony didn’t know how long he stood frozen at the threshold, feeling his whole being turn numb at the sight of the fully grown adults. 

He cleared his throat. “Well, first things first— welcome back to the legal drinking age, guys, must be a blast. 2% milk was getting too old, wasn’t it?” Tony laughed humorlessly, ignoring the sharp pang in his chest as he drifted his eyes to the plush carpets, unwilling to continue staring at the adults and face reality.

He didn’t even get to say goodbye to his munchkins. His everyones.

The brunette gulped and forcefully blocked those thoughts aside, trying to mask his sorrow with his usual facade of humor and wit. Guess it was back to teammates-and sometimes-acquaintance status. Joy.

“What the hell do you mean, ‘welcome back’?”

Tony furrowed his eyebrows, slowly raising his head to meet the stares of six angry adults. Huh? 

“I don’t—” 

“Stark.” Bruce bit out, gesturing to the others. “We woke up in YOUR bed. Naked.” 

The man blinked, then realized the clothes they were wearing weren’t the pajamas they all slept in the other night. It looked like they rummaged through his closet and hassled to get themselves clothed. He eyed Natasha shifting uncomfortably in one of his dress shirts. 

“I, wait— you guys seriously don’t remember?” Tony could only ask in disbelief. Ten months and they couldn’t recall _anything_? 

Clint scoffed harshly. “Remember what? Getting into bed and having an orgy with your ass? How low can you get, Stark?” 

Tony gaped. “The fuck—”

"Drop it, Stark." Steve cut him off, growling. He was practically fuming, his face flushed in embarrassment. "To think we gave you a chance despite your infamous recreational activities. Taking advantage of us like this— how could you?”

The brunette was actually speechless.

_They thought I took advantage of them?_

Thor raised his voice, stalking closer to him. "This is beyond you, man of iron. To think, you made us partake in _lewd_ and _indecent_ affairs." He jabbed him harshly in the chest as he stressed this out. 

Tony felt his blood boiling, and harshly slapped Thor’s hand away in a means to defend himself. 

"The hell do you take me for? I never did anything like that! How could you guys not remember a DAMN thing that’s happened?”

Bruce frowned. "All I can recollect is surrounding Loki at the penthouse, and then after waking up in bed naked alongside the others. Our clothes that I presumed we wore last night were also torn and scattered around us. It’s not a hard assessment to know what happened.”

The said demigod hissed at that, narrowing his eyes sharply at the brunette. “I’d always perceive you a pig, metal man, but even I couldn’t comprehend you ever do something like this. I thought your line of duty partakes in heroism? However you see it fit, why bring _me_ into your little team activity?”

Steve immediately went to stare down the demigod, eyes blazing. "You better shut your damn mouth, Loki, as if we agreed to whatever he did to us." 

"Oh? And what will you do, captain?" Loki quipped back, challenging.

Tony felt his stomach tighten, and watched warily at the fight brewing against the two. Unnecessary flashbacks came back to haunt his thoughts, much to his dismay.

Steve scoffed. "You really want to get hurt again, don’t you?" 

_Steve stood in the center of the room, carrying a plastic sword in one hand and a makeshift toilet paper map in the other._

_"Loki! Fire the cannons!"_

The demigod only stepped closer. "Oh, try me captain." 

_"Aye, aye, captain!" Loki responded, making sounds of explosions as he threw small bean bags across the room._

Tony took a deep breath and attempted to block those memories before he did something embarrassing, like cry. His stomach felt like it was doing back flips, and his head was reeling. He took a step back and leaned against the wall, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to redirect his mind to think of other thoughts. 

Instantly, he regretted it. 

_"You munchkins can call me uncle Tony." He joked. The toddlers brightened up at that._

_._

_“Beautiful drawing, my good sir. I only request a little more height to it.”_

_“But I don’t draw things that are make believe.”_

_Tony gasped dramatically, falling over and clutching a hand to his chest. Steve and the others cackled at the adult’s theatrics._

_._

_“Stop looking at me like that, with those beady little eyes, it’s creepy.”_

_The children just blinked up at him, feigning innocence._

_._

_“Wow, I'm getting replaced already?”_

_The kids shouted in glee at the presence of their uncle, all running up to wrap their tiny limbs tight around him. Tony laughed and held them as close as possible._

_._

_“Instead of a promise, I’ve got a question for the rest of you. How’s dinner going?”_

_A moment passed._

_Everyone gasped in horror, before scrambling back to their stations._

"STARK!" 

Tony flinched at the captain’s harsh tone, effectively breaking his train of thought. He slowly looked up, not surprised in the slightest at seeing their scowls still ever present.

_So they don't remember_

— _and they assume I did things to them._

Tony slumped. 

"What?" He sounded empty.

Steve breathed harshly through his nose. "I'm only going to ask you once. What the hell happened last night?" He stared down the smaller man with a glare that was usually reserved for the villains they fought. Tony hated being on the receiving end of it now. 

The brunette couldn’t help but sneak a glance at the others, all impatiently waiting for him to talk. He sighed, suddenly feeling claustrophobic, and pushed the towering man back a little.

The blonde only growled, getting in his space again. “Why you—” 

"Why I what?" Tony barked back, not even willing to mask the hurt in his eyes. "Why am I upset that you guys basically forgot turning into rugrats?"

Clint snorted. "Really? ‘Rugrats’ is what you come up with? You don't want to fess up over what really happened? Typical."

"BUT IT DID HAPPEN!" Tony desperately tried to convince them. "Rock of ages’ fucked up on a spell he tried to do—" He pointed towards the said man. "And his fuckup turned you all into toddlers! For a whole fucking ten months! I was your baby-sitter!"

Loki stared, unimpressed. "Given my title as the ‘God of Lies’, you aren’t doing a very bright job." 

Tony ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "How in the hell do you guys not _remember_.”

Natasha finally spoke up. "If we really turned into kids, how come you were exempt from it?" 

The brunette crossed his arms over his chest. "My suit is enabled to block voodoo space magic. In case you haven’t noticed, since that wormhole visit, I’m not too fond of aliens. I'm also the only one in this team whose suit is fully covered." 

Thor snorted, shaking his head. "Honestly, Stark. You're such a no good—" 

"—lying—" Natasha interrupted him.

"—bastard." Clint finished it off.

Tony froze, their words cutting deep. To him, those words gutted him more than actual stab wounds he’s gotten.

"I think we need to formally have you exempt from the Avengers Initiative." Steve finally said, and Tony’s heart clenched. "We can’t— and shouldn’t— be forced to work alongside you any longer.”

"Oh hell no." Tony bit out, fuming. “I could do benching, but kicking me out? For what? Half-assed assumptions? I could _prove_ it! Down the hallway is the playroom where you guys—” he was cut off by Natasha, the redhead silently approaching him and socked him square in the jaw. The others felt a sick sort of grim satisfaction in hearing a bone crack. 

Tony’s eyes glazed as his head whipped back from the impact _._ He stared solemnly at the white ceiling and blinked harshly to desperately ignore the swelling, purple bruise forming on his jaw.

Bruce— no, _Banner,_ sighed, relenting. "I should get an ice pack." 

Barton stepped in and blocked his path. "What for? He deserved it. You don’t let rapists off with a slap on the wrist." 

"Hawkeye is right." Thor boomed, looking over at the genius with no remorse. "He did this upon himself."

Tony felt everything and nothing all at once. He felt ashamed, embarrassed, _betrayed._ Those feelings only seemed to conflict alongside an inner turmoil of emptiness, loneliness, and isolation. He couldn’t fathom how these adults were once his entire heart— for ten fucking months. He slowly slipped out of the bedroom, heading to the elevator with downcast eyes.

Loki called out after him. "So now you chicken out, Stark?" 

Barton huffed, crossing his arms. "Let him be a coward."

Tony pointedly ignored them as he padded out of the hallway and into the elevators. 

As the elevator doors closed, Tony let a tear slip.

* * *

The Avengers were still huddled in the master suite, feeling various types of resentment towards the genius resident. 

Banner leaned against the wall, feeling so exposed despite being covered. Must be because it was someone else’s wardrobe. "I...I can't believe he did this." 

"I did." Barton replied, shrugging. “You don’t have that much money and expect to be a saint, right?”

Romanoff just crossed her arms and stared at the others, silent as ever. 

Thor sighed angrily, his fists clenched. “The shame I feel in letting a mere human exploit me.” Loki, next to him, only furrowed his eyebrows. 

Rogers sat on the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands. He still couldn’t believe it.

_I thought I was really getting to know Stark these past few months. I would’ve never expect he’d take advantage of the team._

_How could he do this? Why did he do this?_

“Cap?” 

The captain looked up, still a little shaken, staring at Romanoff’s concerned face. He let out a shaky exhale. “I-I’m fine.” 

Barton hissed sympathetically. “No. You’re not. I get it. It feels surreal.” He laughed humorlessly. “I’ve been kidnapped, tortured, and fucking brainwashed. The only thing that never crossed my mind, though, was ever being a rape victim.” 

Rogers sucked in a breath at that.

_Even with the serum, things like this can still happen to me. I feel so humiliated._

Banner bit his lip. “W-Were we a bit hard on Stark? He didn’t react in the way we expected him to. Proud, gloating, unapologetic— none of that. Should we have maybe listened to his side more?” 

Romanoff scoffed. “No. I feel as if we were a little too _soft_. He ran away instead of dealing with the consequences, which is none far off of my SHIELD assessment on him.”

Banner sighed harshly, rubbing at his forehead. “I just— you think you know a guy. I know he’s been distant lately since his breakup with Ms.Potts, but I don’t understand why he wouldn’t drown his sorrows in fully consented and willing one-night stands instead?” 

Barton shrugged. “Bragging rights, maybe? Prostitutes might be too boring for his tastes now. With the team he can say he bagged two assassins, two demi-gods, a supersoldier, and the Hulk.” 

Loki laughed darkly. “He would be wise not to show his face in front of me again. I’d drag the mortal through the Forbidden Forest of Asgard and have him torn limb from limb by the beasts of Ragnarok.” Thor frowned at the morbid scenario, while Barton raised an eyebrow. 

“Thor, I gotta admit I don’t feel too happy at the moment— I mean no one right now really is— but even more so since your deranged adopted brother isn’t in a muzzle or something.” 

Loki scoffed, glaring. “Quiet, mortal. I’m not in the mood to bring chaos into your pathetic little lives right now. I resent Stark just as much as the rest of you.” 

Rogers still looked physically distressed. “I can’t— we all saw him make the sacrifice play. He was a hero in all our eyes when he flew that nuke into the portal. I…” he breathed harshly through his nose. “I had so much respect for him. I wanted to be friends, even.” 

The others went silent at the captain’s confession, moods souring even more at how much rang through to each of them as well. 

Romanoff finally broke. “C’mon, we can’t dwell on this any longer. We have to contact Fury about Stark’s position on the team.” 

Everyone started to shuffle out of the bedroom, wanting to leave the private floor as quickly as possible. 

“Stark mentioned once that we have our own floors in the tower. Let’s change and then re-group at the lobby before we head out to HQ.” Banner quietly mentioned, wanting to get out of the rich man’s attire as soon as possible. 

Rogers was the last to leave the bedroom, basically trudging his feet out the threshold. He was in such low spirits that he didn’t pay attention to where he was going and promptly bumped his foot against an object that laid unbothered on the floor. The blonde looked down, frowning, and bent down to pick up the culprit.

“Is this… a stuffed animal?” 

His eyes glanced over to a nearby room where the stuffed toy was found, its door creaked open. Rogers peered inside the small crack, wondering what was inside. 

Rogers froze.

It was a kids’ playroom.

* * *

Tony rushed out of the elevators, body shaking in harsh tremors as he tried not to sob. 

_No, no, no. Not yet. Not until I get into the lab._

The brunette practically sprinted once he caught sight of the lab’s glass doors, punching in his code and then walking briskly down the steps and into the safe, familiar presence of his workshop.

“J, l-lock down buddy. Black out the glass. No one comes in— no matter what.”

“But sir—”

Tony snapped. “MUTE!”

The room was met with silence. 

He let out a deep exhale. 

_Now._

He collapsed, practically curling into himself, as he finally let out a harsh sob he’d been holding back for far too long. The concrete floors were an uncomfortable cold as they pressed against his heated skin, but Tony ignored it as the tears selfishly fell.

“I knew it I fucking knew it—” he babbled incoherently, no pause to his ramblings. “It was lies all lies I should’ve known better I can’t have anything good for myself i wish for one _damn_ thing and—” 

Tony forced himself to breathe, and realized he couldn’t even comprehend what he was looking at anymore as his vision blurred. He blinked rapidly, eyes focusing on Dum-E, his bot sadly beeping at him in concern.

“It’s okay, bud, it’s just daddy’s scheduled break down.” He distinctly heard U and Butterfingers also whirring in the background.

He looked back up at the ceiling. Then screamed.

He screamed himself hoarse, letting out all his pent up sorrows and frustrations into that one yell until his lungs gave out. He didn’t care if the bruise on his jaw was getting more irritated by it. 

After that, he shakily got back up on his own two feet and stumbled towards his workbench in an attempt to distract himself.

“J, pull up blueprints on unfinished Avengers’ weapons projects I saved. Preferably ones that go ‘boom boom’. I need to blow shit up.” 

“...Of course, sir.” 

Tony retrieved a flask from one of his drawers, his emergency stash of alcohol. Since raising the kids he made a personal vow to never drink liquor again in their presence, lest they catch him being his irresponsible, drunk self and end up getting hurt in the process. He wasn’t his father. Him and Pepper spent a whole day throwing out all the bottles from the tower. 

He, however, couldn’t manage to let himself get rid of practically everything. He managed to sneak in one bottle and pour it into a flask, keeping it stored under his workbench should he ever have the need to indulge in it. 

Right now, he was feeling symptoms of empty nest syndrome. Seemed like a good enough reason to get drunk. 

He swiped through his holograms while simultaneously chugging down the hard liquor, the liquid burning his throat. The brunette was already feeling a bit light-headed. 

JARVIS tried to intervene. “Sir, my programming indicates that you are not in the right mindset to be working at the moment. I highly advise you put off your projects until you are sober again. The consequences may be drastic.”

Tony waved him off, grabbing a welding torch. “Fuck off, J. I know what I’m doing.” He stalked over to the array of wires that lay in a tangled mess within the casing of one of his suits. He didn’t realize he forgone his goggles and gloves. 

He bitterly accepted that how annoying it was to be reminded, JARVIS was right. He wasn’t okay. He shouldn’t even in his lab working in the state he was in. His eyes were still rimmed red and his mind was slowly turning into a haze. 

But he couldn’t bear the reality of his kids being gone. Of them being grown up. Of them _hating_ him. 

Tony had a lot of shortcomings and regrets in his life, but never of them. Never his everyones. 

What happens now? How can he cope without their pitter-patter in the mornings, their hugs and kisses, their giggles, their mere presence? 

He was so lost in his rumination of thoughts that he didn’t realize he had already turned the torch on and hovered it by the mess of wires, causing the mechanical suit it was in to spark dangerously. 

JARVIS sounded alarm. “Sir—” 

Tony sniffled, letting himself fall into another pit of despair. It was just his luck. He never could keep anything good to stay in his life.

Everyone leaves him eventually.

It happened with Clark, it happened with Pepper, and now the kids.

God, if only someone can put him out of his misery.

“—SIR!” 

Tony wasn’t prepared for a huge blast to erupt in the vicinity of his lab, the impact making him fly backwards through the glass walls that ultimately shattered. There was a loud ringing in his ears and his mind went frazzled as he laid helplessly in the pile of shattered glass. It was unbearably hot, no doubt due to the small fire starting to blaze in the room. 

He couldn’t move. Everything was throbbing and hurt so much. 

The brunette slowly felt his consciousness slip away, his mind reeling in the memories he felt like he took for granted. If only he knew.

_“We all love you, uncle.”_

_"That's right, uncle Tony! We love you to pieces!"_

_"Clint’s right! We love you so much, uncle."_

_"We really do."_

_"Tis true, uncle! You're lovable!"_

_"Yeah, it's true."_

With one more exhale, Tony slowly let himself succumb into darkness.

His last coherent thought was that even though he no longer had his kid everyones, he might be able to get to reunite with his old everyones. 

_I hope Jarvis has his five-star hot cocoa waiting for me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah its intense and im horrible for writing this im so sorry guys 
> 
> and also sorry for the avengers being such assholes but tbh if i woke up naked with other ppl and have no recollection of what happened i'd be like "yo what" 
> 
> anyways misunderstandings play a huge role in this chapter but everything will be settled in the next ones to come!! thanks for reading pls dont be too mad tony has a happy ending i swear (hes my fav i cant have him NOT be happy)


End file.
